Reason#2: Families the size of your heart’s desire
Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman who loved each other very much. Their first child had come as a little surprise. Since he was a boy, they decided to wait a couple of years and try for a girl, and they succeeded! At that point, busy enough with the toddler and the new baby and life in general, they told themselves: we’re set.
They started using a contraceptive method and never talked about it anymore. Then 15 years later this same couple had a change of heart: the children were older, about to leave the nest. They were in a more secure place. They looked back and asked each other, what about other children? We could have had one or two more for sure. They tried, but at that point, it was too late!
So here is the second of the five unexpected reasons fertility awareness based methods and natural family planning are so important to women, families, and the world: they allow couples to have the number of children they really want and could have.
According to this Gallup study, 24% of people over 45 said that if they had to do it all over again, they would have four children or more. Yet, the number of women ages 40-44 with four or more children is just 13%. Today’s millennials also say they want more children than the older generation. How many people do you think wish they had fewer children? We don’t know, but suspect it’s a fairly low number (1).
When it comes to children and family, fertility awareness gives couples in love an amazing advantage over those like the one in the story: child awareness! Let me explain. In the case of the story above, which I believe is common, once the size of the family is set, the discussion ends. In fact, many couples use sterilization to end the possibility of a larger family at that point.
The way fertility awareness works when a couple is trying to avoid pregnancy is that each has to make a conscious decision to avoid intercourse during the monthly fertile period. It works well, with effectiveness rates ranging from 95 to 99% with perfect use, pretty much like the Pill and many other forms of contraception. FABMs is especially effective if the couple is trained in the method they use, if both partners are in sync, and if they are motivated to avoid pregnancy.
The last condition, the motivation of the couple concerning their family size, is what makes FABMs/NFP different, because it has to be constantly verified. The reality is that even after an initial decision to stop, the motivation to avoid pregnancy is not immutable and not always firm. In other words, some couples after a while may realize that they would like more children. The first two are growing well; the couple is in a good place emotionally and materially, so they’re empowered and decide they can try again. With FABMS, no waiting, no stress, they simply start having intercourse during the fertile window.
You can argue that the same decision-making can happen with contraception, but with fertility awareness, this conversation confirming the motivation to avoid has to happen every month, and that’s the difference. It’s always top of mind, because sexual intimacy and potential for conception are part of the same conversation, as it should be. Also, stopping contraception to go into a conception mode is not always easy (read this), and can be a cause of much stress.
FABMs allow couples to live an intentional life in an area that’s very important to them: the number of children they want.
Some couples decide together to not abstain at times when there is a greater chance to get pregnant. They’re not super motivated to have children, but because of the place they are in their life, they are ready to welcome one more of these little ones.
As Cassie Moriarty wrote beautifully in her blog titled Of the Fluidity of Motherhood: “American culture frequently talks about entering motherhood and family planning as if it’s a playbook. But in actuality, family planning is about as fluid as…well, cervical fluid. Constantly changing. Constantly ebbing and flowing. Couples who use fertility awareness methods are generally more in tune with this ebb and flow. I mean literally, but also emotionally. Each cycle is a new chance to deliberate the playbook.”
Today, a small number of couples are taking advantage of the opportunity to experience this way of life and way to look at family size and children. Contraception closes the door with much less chance of communication. Use of contraception can also reduce the chance to conceive. On the other hand, fertility awareness makes it easier for couples to conceive when they want to, even when their chances are reduced (read this). This is no judgment on family size nor a recipe with a 100% success rate, but rather an invitation to consider a different approach that benefits the family.
Click here to support our work.
