Five unexpected reasons Fertility Awareness is urgently needed, Part 3

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Reason #3: Fertility Awareness prepares you for better parenting

Of all five, this reason to prefer fertility awareness methods may come as the strangest. When we think of family planning, we may think about sex, about a woman’s body and fertility, and then about barriers, pills or other technologies. How can any of that affect a woman’s and her husbands’ abilities to parent in any way? Yet, in the case of Fertility Awareness and natural family planning (NFP), it does. I have seen it over and over with families who practice these methods. I would like to show you how that works.

In 2000, University of Chicago Professor Dr. Robert Lerner[i] showed that on the question of success in raising their families, 75 % of a group of parents using natural family planning scored in the “success group” (satisfied, very satisfied and extremely satisfied) while the national average was 6%.  At the other end, only 2% of the NFP parents put themselves in the unsuccessful group (dissatisfied, very dissatisfied and extremely dissatisfied) while the national average was 69%.

Even though the sample used for the natural family planning study was small (about 500) and not random as the benchmark group, the gap between the two groups is so large that it should make any sociologist interested in family and children become suddenly intensely curious about this question. There is unfortunately very little systematic research on this topic as of yet. My goal is to explore why there could be such a difference. To do so, I will use what we know about NFP users’ relationship skills and anecdotal testimonies that support the research.

Before I do that, I want to add a caveat. First, some of these parenting abilities are not exclusive to people practicing natural family planning, or at least we don’t have enough scientific proof to show that. In other words, people who are using other forms of birth control can be excellent parents, and we’re not making a judgment on them. By the same token, not all parents who use FABMs/NFP will have automatically the same degree of benefits from it when it comes to parenting. Finally, it is easy to fall into the temptation to think that parents are responsible for everything their kids feel, do and become: they’re not.

The practice of Fertility Awareness and natural family planning can bring parents de-facto “extra powers.” We can only teach what we know, and those who practice natural family planning acquire essential relationship skills as husbands and wives, which is where good things start. In this article, we reviewed the 10 ways NFP improves a couple’s love life, as several studies[ii] have demonstrated.

Here is a short list of parents’ extra powers that can flow out of their use of NFP:

  • Self-knowledge (about their body and their emotions)
  • Attunement to their children
  • Ability to show affection
  • Ability to model and teach openness and honesty
  • Ability to model and teach mutual respect
  • Ability to model and teach self-control
  • Ability to teach about sexuality

We just did a poll with our Facebook fans about this question and 12 out of 16, or 75% said that yes, NFP had made a positive difference in their parenting abilities. Alysa from Kansas, mother of seven adopted children commented: “NFP helps me in my parenting because it helps me to understand my body, my moods/emotions, and it also helps us to teach our girls how to understand and respect their bodies.” Parents who are self-aware of their emotions can more easily manage them through the ups and downs of the challenges of raising kids. Their husbands understand better where they are and can support them accordingly.

When I asked my colleague Dr. Marguerite Duane how NFP impacted her as a mother, she thought of breastfeeding: “A key attribute of NFP is to pay attention to your body and its changes,” she said, “as a result, my sense of when they needed to nurse, my intuitions were sharper. I was more aware and better able to respond to my child’s needs and be more confident about it.” She actually saw the difference between her first child and the next ones, because that intuition became sharper as she became more experienced in using NFP.

Diane in Texas, a mother of four young children, reports: “It has made us better communicators with our kids: they can come to us about anything and not hide anything, and NFP has been the reason. We practiced that ability as a couple and we do with our children as well. The times Chris and I have had to abstain from intercourse led us to be more patient and loving, which taught us to be more patient and loving with our kids.”

In an article published in Couple to Couple League’s May/June edition of Family Foundations, the author presented how several couples experienced the benefits from NFP in their parenting. For Craig and Michelle, self-control and respect stood out: “The kids see that we respect each other,” Michelle says “We don’t yell at each other, we have self-control in our relationship with each other and with them.”

For Gerald and Marita, NFP practice helped normalize open signs of affection between husband and wife: “I also try to embarrass them,” Marita said. “We’ll wait till they uncover their eyes and kiss again. We want them to know romance doesn’t end when you get married.”

In one of the studies about relationship mentioned above, the researchers found out that over 80% of the respondents said that NFP had helped them to explain sexuality to their children. That included dad (82%) and moms (85%). We know how difficult these conversations can be. We also know how critical they are and the role parents can play in helping their children build a solid foundation in that area. A family planning method that prepares parents with that is an amazing gift.

Finally, here is another major fact that affects kids: the lower divorce rate of NFP parents. This is no judgment on any parents who have gone through divorce, nor of their efforts to be the best parents they can be. As this study reports: “the best scientific literature to date suggests that, with the exception of parents faced with unresolvable marital violence, children fare better when parents work at maintaining the marriage.” What we also know is that parents who use NFP are much less likely to divorce and by far. The NFP study by Robert Lerner mentioned above showed a divorce rate of 0.5% among NFP users. Another study[iii] in Austria with 332 men and 479 women aged between 40 and 49 reported a divorce rate of 3%. Conversely, there are many reasons to think that the Pill and other hormonal contraceptives contribute to increasing the chance of divorce (see this article on why).

Parenting is not easy for anyone. It takes special talents that parents develop over time. The relationship benefits from using natural family planning carry over in parenting, especially for women and men who have a strong commitment to the way of life designed in natural family planning, which is what brings the fullness of the relationship benefits over time.  That’s another major reason why it is so important to promote these methods.

In order for more couples and families to embrace this way of life, we have to start somewhere. Only a few of them even know about the existence of fertility awareness and its benefits, and we have to open that door. That’s why the work of Natural Womanhood is urgently needed. But we still need your help to get there. Donate to Natural Womanhood to support our work.

References

[i]  See “The Practice of Natural Family Planning Versus the Use of Artificial Birth Control” by Mercedes Wilson

[ii] Use of Natural Family Planning (NFP) and Its Effect on Couple Relationships and Sexual Satisfaction: A Multi-Country Survey of NFP Users from US and Europe; Matthias Unseld, Elisabeth Rötzer, Roman Weigl, Eva K. Masel, Michael D. Manhart3* Frontiers in Public Health, 13 March 2017 | https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2017.00042

and

VandeVusse et al, “Couples’ Views of the Effects of Natural Family Planning on Marital Dynamics,” Journal of Nursing Scholarship, 2004, Volume 35, No. 2

[iii] Natural Family Planning (NFP): The Symptothermal Method (Rötzer) as a Familiy Binding Tool.

Results of a Survey among Members of INER. Walter Rhomberg, Prof., MD (1), Michaela Rhomberg, MD (2), Hubert Weißenbach, DI (3), 2008

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Five Unexpected Reasons Why Fertility Awareness is Urgently Needed, Part 2

Five Unexpected Reasons Why Fertility Awareness is Urgently Needed, Part 2

Reason#2: Families the size of your heart’s desire Once upon a time, there

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Five unexpected reasons Fertility Awareness is urgently needed, Part 4

Five unexpected reasons Fertility Awareness is urgently needed, Part 4

Reason # 4: Fertility Awareness is a remedy to women and children’s poverty When

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