Here at Natural Womanhood, we’ve written and talked at length about the importance of teaching our young girls comprehensive fertility education. As a mom to both a son and a daughter, I’ve been thinking about how the conversations I have with them about hormones and reproduction may differ. I will certainly teach my daughter the basics of charting her biomarkers for period health, explain the purpose of cervical mucus, and give her tools for restorative reproductive care should she need it. But what about my son? What do I hope to convey to him?
Comprehensive fertility education isn’t just for girls. Young boys, too, deserve to know the full story. While they may not fully appreciate or understand the depth and breadth of charting at the time, there are some basic tenets that young boys should hear—and more than once. Boys should know what cervical fluid is and how it interacts with sperm, how hormones and the menstrual cycle are geared towards conception, gestation, and lactation, how their own male hormones can impact decision making, and that hormonal birth control (or any type of birth control, for that matter) is not failsafe.
My husband is the one who initially taught me about fertility charting. You read that right. He heard about it in a health class at a Catholic high school. And it stuck. He put it in his back pocket, only to tell me about it years later when we met. He didn’t fully know the ins and outs (“Something about charting your… mucus?”), but he knew hormonal contraception could have harmful effects, and that he wanted to embrace a more natural way of family planning.
First, tell teen boys about hormones
Testosterone is no small thing…
Girls get such a bad rap for being “emotional” or “irrational,” when the truth is: testosterone is no beacon of stability either. Testosterone increases muscle tone, deepens vocal chords, causes increased hair growth particularly on the face, increases libido, and causes testes to grow and drop. It also has noticeable and significant effects on brain development. “Evidence suggests that testosterone influences the structure of the hippocampus, specifically CA1 and CA3 areas of the hippocampus, as well as the amygdala.” (1) If you’re not up to date on your neurobiology, that’s a fancy way to say testosterone affects decision making, emotional regulation, and memory encoding.
Have you ever pulled your hair out in frustration when your teen boy seems to make entirely illogical choices? High surges of testosterone impede judgement and can result in impulsive decisions. Pair this with the fact that a teen (boy or girl) doesn’t have a fully formed prefrontal cortex, and you have a recipe for… illogical choices. This isn’t something we can change or talk them out of.
But we can set the foundation of understanding that hormones are real, biological, and incredibly influential. In the same way that we tell girls they may feel a bit emotional and low in the saddle the days before their period, we can tell boys that their testosterone may make them feel aggressive or erotic. (The same is true for girls during ovulation, exposed to estrogen.)
We can explain that the male cycle of testosterone runs in a 24-hour cycle. It is highest in the morning and wanes throughout the day, until it hits a low in the evening. Testosterone spikes sporadically, such as when he drinks caffeine, watches an action movie, looks at a person he finds attractive (either in real life or simply an image), plays video games, or competes in something physical (soccer game) or mental (board game). The same way we tell girls that estrogen and progesterone have physical and emotional effects—and that these effects are geared towards the meaning and purpose of human sexuality—the same should be taught of testosterone.
… and neither is estrogen and progesterone
When you’ve filled boys in about their hormones, tell them the story behind female hormones.
The female hormones estrogen and progesterone are entirely geared toward menstruation, conception, gestation, and lactation. Teen boys need to see this and be around it, if possible. That’s right, boys should see babies and breastfeeding and pregnancy! Too many men become dads having never been around babies. But the fact of puberty is that all of the changes that occur during this time (for both girls and boys) are geared toward the ultimate goal of procreation.
Often, in the pursuit of helping our youth steer clear of teen pregnancy, we unintentionally sever hormones from reproduction—when they are entirely entwined. We can’t hammer this home for them, and certainly not in words. But we can expose them to the full spectrum of reproductive life, and explain its connections to what is going on in their bodies during puberty.
Boys often talk openly about their reproductive parts—there’s no reason girls should have to hide basic biological principles like periods and cervical fluid. Periods, cervical fluid, pregnancy, and breastfeeding are not things to shelter teen boys from—in fact, the more they understand the connections between their fertility, certain—ahem—activities, and human reproduction, the better.
On that note, tell teen boys about cervical fluid
They’ll groan. They’ll roll their eyes. They’ll say, “Ew, gross!” But if teen boys learn about cervical fluid, it gives them a true piece of information: Women are not fertile all the time. So much of sex-ed for teens is steeped in fear and half-truths to scare them out of doing the deed, that most boys (and girls) grow up believing they can get pregnant any time, any way. But then no one bothers to tell them the other half of the truth when they reach adulthood. Grown men still think according to what they were told at 14. This is a problem!
You don’t have to give them every last blooming detail, but you can say something such as,
“Men are fertile every day, while women are only fertile a portion of the time. Women create fluids that are hospitable to sperm when they are fertile, and women can track this for their health.”
Then, teach teen boys about hormonal contraception—and how it really works
Boys may not want to hear every minute detail of how hormonal contraception works. But they should know a few really important things. First, that it works by shutting down a girl’s reproductive hormones. It’s not a “Don’t Get Pregnant” pill; it chemically alters a girl’s entire reproductive system, preventing it from functioning the way it was designed to (and it comes with some pretty serious consequences for her development). Too many boys boil hormonal contraception down to a convenient and easy solution to the problem of pregnancy without critically thinking about how it does this.
Secondly, teen boys need to know that hormonal contraception can affect girls’ cognitive function, emotional regulation, and mood stabilization. This is important because one day, they may have a girlfriend or wife on hormonal contraception who is struggling with side effects and may not even realize it. As a partner, men can provide a third party viewpoint. Women sometimes get on the pill, slide into a depressive state, and don’t even think to question that it could be because of birth control. A man who is educated about the mechanisms and risks of hormonal contraception can help his partner make more empowered decisions about her health—just like my husband did for me.
Lastly, teen boys also need to know that hormonal contraception is not failsafe. So, even if she’s on the pill, it doesn’t mean pregnancy can’t happen. In fact, with typical use, the pill is only about 90-92% effective. Regardless of how effective a birth control method is, boys need to know that it doesn’t free them from the consequences of their actions—after all, they are the ones who are fertile all the time. Oh, and birth control won’t protect him—or anyone else for that matter—from sexually-transmitted infections (STIs).
When it comes to fertility education, teen boys (and girls!) deserve better
In a nutshell, learning fertility awareness is a little bit like learning algebra. You didn’t dive into algebra before getting a solid grasp on multiplication and division, and you didn’t learn multiplication and division before learning addition and subtraction.
When it comes to teaching teens about hormones and reproductive health, we’re setting the foundations for later. As a fertility awareness instructor, the curriculum that I teach teens is very different than the curriculum that I teach adult couples—but grounded in the same science of fertility. The hope is that when boys (and girls) are taught comprehensive fertility education, that they’ll be ready for algebra when it comes.
References:
- Filová B, Ostatníková D, Celec P, Hodosy J. The effect of testosterone on the formation of brain structures. Cells Tissues Organs. 2013;197(3):169-77. doi: 10.1159/000345567. Epub 2013 Jan 8. PMID: 23306974.
Additional Reading
What you must know about fertility awareness teachers
Busting the 4 Biggest Myths about Teens and Fertility Education
Why We Need Fertility Education in Schools
How Lack of Fertility Awareness Relates To Infertility Rates
Resources
Teen STAR™ is a developmental curriculum, founded by Hanna Klaus, MD (Sr. Miriam Paul , MMS), that helps adolescents and young adults come to terms with their emerging sexuality and fertility and assist them in making responsible decisions. Beginning with the physical, the young person can then integrate their intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual aspects of their persona and mature into a fully integrated human being.
Jason and Crystalina Evert are the founders of Chastity Project, and have spoken on six continents to more than one million people about the benefits of abstinence. They have delivered lectures on the topic at the United States Air Force Academy, Harvard, Princeton, and countless other universities, high schools, and junior highs. Jason and Crystalina are the authors of more than ten books, including Pure Love, Pure Manhood, and Pure Womanhood. Through low-cost resource distribution, media appearances, and seminars, Chastity Project exists to promote the virtue of chastity so that individuals can be free to love.
Sexuality Explained: A Guide for Parents and Children by Louise Kirk
Great article! This is the best explanation for teaching boys about fertility awareness that I have ever read. (So they can be aware of side effects, and to drive home the truth that men are fertile all the time while women are not.) I also agree that teens are taught partial truths as a scare tactic, and they deserve better information. Thank you for writing this article!!
Excellent approach!
Yes! Let’s get the word out on how important it is for our kids to understand their development and the development of their peers!