Have you ever been told by your medical provider that your pain is “normal” and that there is nothing you can do about it? If you have, you are not alone. It can be challenging to continue advocating for yourself under these circumstances, but you should always trust your intuition, especially when it comes to your health.
Unfortunately, this is a relatively common experience for many women. For example, women are prescribed less effective painkillers than men and often have to wait longer in emergency waiting rooms before being treated. And it’s common for women to be told that their pain is “all in their heads” or that they are worrying too much and if they would just relax, their problems would go away.
One woman, Kelsey Weber, shared her experience with the copper intrauterine device (IUD) with Natural Womanhood. After having the copper IUD inserted, Kelsey writes, “I started having dizzy spells—several a day! It had me really concerned. It got to a point where I was worried about being home alone taking care of our daughter if I passed out or couldn’t stand up.” Kelsey made two appointments to address these symptoms, but her physician “told me to keep an eye on those symptoms, but eventually ended up attributing the dizziness to breastfeeding and that this was just the reality of postpartum life for me. I went away feeling defeated and not heard.” After Kelsey’s pain worsened, she resolved to insist her doctor remove the IUD. “The pain stopped immediately, and ever since that day I have not had a single dizzy spell or mood swing like I experienced those months I was on the IUD.”
Trust your intuition, especially when it comes to your health
Many of my psychotherapy clients have shared experiences like this with me. Not only is it frustrating to have your concerns pushed aside but it also can feel like hitting a hopeless dead end. After all, if your medical provider says there is nothing to worry about or nothing can be done to address it, there’s nothing else to be done except to learn to live with the symptoms, right?
Actually, there is something you can do, and that is choosing to trust yourself.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve received from my supervisor when I was completing my training to be a therapist was, “Always trust your gut. If you have a feeling that something isn’t right, it probably isn’t. Trust yourself.” I’ve tried to apply this perspective to my own life and have encouraged my clients to do so as well. After all, we know ourselves best and we can often sense the early signs that something is “off” in our lives.
When you are told your experience is “normal,” but it’s actually unbearable
The trouble is that our concerns can be dismissed by others, especially when it comes to issues related to women’s health. And when a professional dismisses or casts doubt on your experience, it’s all too easy to start second guessing your own experience. But it’s essential for you to trust yourself and your intuition if you feel like something is off.
Learn to tune into what’s happening in your body and mind, and monitor for any changes or for anything that doesn’t feel right. Anecdotally, many women have refused to accept that their pain is “normal” and have fought for answers only to find that there is a real explanation for their symptoms. For example, one client I worked with was referred to me because she was told her digestive issues were a result of anxiety or some kind of eating disorder. After several months of doctor’s visits, a specialist spotted an abnormality in her digestive tract that was easily corrected through surgery. Had she not fought for answers, she would have been in a great deal of pain for the rest of her life.
When reproductive needs are ignored
In the United States, a woman can wait an average 12 years of painful periods before receiving a diagnosis for endometriosis. Often, these women don’t feel like things are right with their bodies, and their problems aren’t solved by taking pain killers or hormonal contraceptives, the most commonly prescribed treatment. Particularly when it concerns your menstrual cycle, a birth control prescription doesn’t actually solve the cause of your symptoms, it only masks them. Unfortunately, this is a common go-to prescription for many issues related to menstrual cycles such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), painful periods, and endometriosis, among others.
A better option to consider, especially if your symptoms are related to your cycle, is to consider learning a fertility awareness method (FAM). Learning a FAM can help you track your cycle and monitor it for any abnormalities or changes that happen from cycle to cycle, so that you can address any hormonal issues as soon as possible. Tracking your cycle using a FAM also provides you with data that you can take to appointments with your provider, to give concrete evidence of your self-reported symptoms and experiences. Doctors trained in Restorative Reproductive Medicine (RRM) can read a woman’s fertility chart data and give her more precise diagnoses and effective treatments.
When your doctor dismisses or minimizes your birth control side effect(s)
Another common issue women experience is reporting a troubling birth control side effect to their provider, who then ignores or downplays it. There are numerous testimonies of women who say their doctors told them “it’s normal,” or “you’re body will get used to it,” when they reported concerning symptoms related to their prescribed contraceptive. In her 2019 book the Fifth Vital Sign, Lisa Hendrickson-Jack reveals how the medical establishment actively downplays the mood disorder side effects of hormonal contraceptives, despite these symptoms appearing clearly on the labels of all methods of hormonal contraceptives. Further, testimonies of women who have had painful reactions to IUDs reveal that doctors often tell them to wait and endure the symptoms longer, insisting to patients that symptoms will resolve themselves with no interventions. As a result, some patients have shared stories that they waited 12 months with no pain resolution. No woman should have to suffer an entire year without her needs being taken seriously.
No matter what kind of painful symptom you are facing, you are free to advocate for yourself and seek a second medical opinion. It’s important for you to know that you are not alone. Finding a supportive group of people can be incredibly beneficial when you are struggling to trust your gut and find answers. Communities like Natural Womanhood’s website and IUD Alert website or Dr. Jolene Brighten’s website all offer empowering places to explore resources and referrals.
After Kelsey Weber listened to her body and insisted on having her copper IUD removed, she explains, “I cannot say enough about how much of a relief it was to have those symptoms gone and to know that I can really trust my intuition when it comes to my body and what it’s trying to tell me.” Whatever you’re going through, as you seek professional help to address your symptoms, remember to check in with yourself as well. While your physician of choice may change, you are the one living with your body the rest of your life, so be kind to yourself, trust your intuition, listen to your body, and don’t be afraid advocate for yourself. You got this.
Additional Reading:
Is your doctor not listening to you? What to do when you experience medical gaslighting
Women “Have Not Felt Heard” In Their Search for Natural Alternatives to Birth Control
What to Do When Your Doctor Won’t Listen to You
How Fertility Awareness Can Help with Severe Menstrual Cramps
How My Awful Experience with the Copper IUD Led Me to Truly Natural Birth Control
