For many women, it can be a big deal to bring up your symptoms to your healthcare provider, particularly if it relates to your reproductive health. You may be feeling embarrassed, scared, or intimidated to bring up your symptoms. That’s why it can be devastating if, after you summon the courage to share your symptoms with your healthcare provider, he or she dismisses them as inconsequential or imaginary. This experience has a name: medical gaslighting. And unfortunately, this is a common experience for many people, and particularly for women.
What is medical gaslighting?
When someone tells you that your feelings, thoughts, memories, and experiences aren’t true and that you are making them up or not remembering them correctly, that is called gaslighting. For example, if your healthcare provider tells you that the pain you are experiencing can’t possibly be as bad as you are describing, then suggests taking an over-the-counter pain reliever instead of ordering tests, and encourages you to see if you can tough it out for a few months, you are experiencing medical gaslighting from your provider. Or, if your provider shrugs their shoulders as if to say, “tough luck” when you describe the side effects of your hormonal birth control, symptoms related to your IUD, or symptoms of post birth control syndrome, you are experiencing medical gaslighting.
In my work as a psychotherapist, I’ve heard many stories from my female clients about feeling invalidated by their healthcare providers. Clients have shared with me that they’ve been told their symptoms are “all in your head,” that “you are being overdramatic,” or “your symptoms are normal and there’s nothing you can do,” and “this course of action is your only option,” just to name a few. And in the majority of these cases I’ve encountered, my clients have been able to find an actual cause for their symptoms once they sought a second (or third) opinion.
My clients have shared with me how these experiences made them feel unsupported by their provider and even confused about the apparent disconnect between their own experience and what their provider is telling them about their experience. They went to their provider looking for answers only to be told they didn’t warrant one. As a result, their symptoms remained unchanged and untreated all while being told their pain “wasn’t a big deal.”
The evidence for medical gaslighting
Science provides evidence for the existence of gaslighting. One study found that women are prescribed less pain medication that men after surgery, even when they report more frequent and intense pain levels [1]. Another study found that gender bias is present even in assessments of pediatric pain, with boys’ pain being taken more seriously than girls’ pain [2]. Yet another study found that women with acute abdominal pain both wait longer to receive opioid pain medication, and are less likely to receive opioid pain medication, than men who present with abdominal pain in the emergency room [3].
Anecdotal evidence also suggests that medical gaslighting—particularly of women—is a damaging phenomenon. For example, when the tennis star Serena Williams tried to tell her medical team that she was concerned about a pulmonary embolism (she has a history of them) after an emergency C-section, they didn’t listen. Instead, her medical team thought she was confused from her pain medication and, even after they finally responded to her request for tests, they opted for an ultrasound first despite Williams insisting she needed a CT scan. As it turned out, Williams was right—she did have multiple blood clots in her lungs, and the delay in care could have cost the new mother her life. Stories like this are unfortunately not uncommon when it comes to postpartum maternal health.
Williams’s story—and others like it—illustrate well that when women are told that they are making up their symptoms or their requests for treatment are ignored, the effects can be damaging. Some women may even start to doubt their own reality, fearing they are making a big deal out of “nothing.” At the very least, this dissonance can be very discouraging and stressful, but it can also be a source of anxiety, depression, or trauma for some.
What to do when your doctor won’t listen to you
Finding an answer and securing the best treatment should not be a battle with your healthcare provider. Don’t let anyone else’s opinion or perspective lead you to think that your reality isn’t valid. If your healthcare provider isn’t able to validate what you are experiencing and work with you to find an effective solution, don’t be afraid to find another provider. There are providers out there who will listen to you and believe you. Listen to your gut and don’t let someone else’s failure to believe you lead you to give up or resign yourself to living with your symptoms.
Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself and push for the tests or treatment you believe you need. It was because numerous women shared their personal stories and joined together that the contraceptive device Essure was finally taken off the market after 16 years of harming women, and following an FDA investigation. And while there is still work to be done surrounding informed consent, information about side effects, and more rigorous testing, women are speaking up more and more and affecting change in women’s reproductive health. More and more women are learning that there are side-effect-free methods of effective family planning thanks to fertility awareness methods, which can also shed light on reproductive and menstrual disorders that too often are covered up (not treated) by birth control. You deserve answers for whatever symptoms you are experiencing, and there is a provider out there who can help you find those answers.
Find a medical provider who is trained in Restorative Reproductive Medicine.
References:
[1] Researcher says women less likely to get painkillers. UPI. https://www.upi.com/Archives/1989/03/11/Researcher-says-women-less-likely-to-get-painkillers/2047605595600/. Published 2021. Accessed January 28, 2021. [2] Earp B, Monrad J, LaFrance M, Bargh J, Cohen L, Richeson J. Featured Article: Gender Bias in Pediatric Pain Assessment. J Pediatr Psychol. 2019;44(4):403-414. doi:10.1093/jpepsy/jsy104 [3] Chen E, Shofer F, Dean A et al. Gender Disparity in Analgesic Treatment of Emergency Department Patients with Acute Abdominal Pain. Academic Emergency Medicine. 2008;15(5):414-418. doi:10.1111/j.1553-2712.2008.00100.xAdditional Reading:
Bayer finally pays for Essure damages, but women’s injuries still go ignored
What to Do When Your Doctor Won’t Listen to You
A Recent Essay on The Cut Dares to Address Why Many Women are Rejecting the Pill
Women “Have Not Felt Heard” In Their Search for Natural Alternatives to Birth Control
When Libido Issues Are Not All In Your Head
