What if your spouse asked you to give up golfing? Or to stop watching football every Sunday? You would probably be surprised by the ask. It might even seem unreasonable since these are generally considered normal activities for us men. But there’s no reference that tells us that these categories have to relate to males. Society defined these norms. We just followed suit as our fathers did and our grandfathers before them.
So you might wonder “Why are these questions even posed here?” My point is simple. Humans are excellent at categorizing things and never looking back. We establish unspoken rules and the notion of changing them later is looked down upon. These categorizations are harmless most of the time, but sometimes they desensitize us to things that can harm us. And that is the case with hormonal birth control.
Why men can no longer accept the status quo for women, family planning, and birth control
Since the introduction of hormonal birth control in the 1950s-1960s, society has unjustly considered family planning as a woman’s sole cross to bear. This is interesting considering that men, not women, are always fertile. But maybe it makes some sense since women, not men, can get pregnant. Carrying the weight of family planning, usually through birth control use, is a cross women have bravely and quietly borne for decades. This is despite hormonal birth control side effects ranging from increased risk of breast cancer and cervical cancer to depression and suicidal ideation [1][2].
With the state of reproductive health knowledge now, hormonal birth control’s benefits no longer outweigh the costs. Alternatives now exist in the form of Fertility Awareness Methods (FAM) (also known as natural family planning or NFP). FAMs are up to 98% effective, free to use, and require no external hormones invading our spouse’s body.
How men can bring up switching from birth control to fertility awareness
So how do you bring up a possible change in your family planning method with your spouse? How can you ask if she would consider making the switch to FAMs, even though it’s a pretty big deviation from societal norms? Consider, too, that your spouse may be afraid to consider stopping birth control and starting NFP simply because she’s been on it for so long. In other words, she may not know what to expect.
That’s what we’re here for! We want to provide you, men, with talking points to intelligently present your case for a switch to fertility awareness.
Fertility awareness methods are healthier and safer than hormonal birth control
Hormonal birth control’s long list of side effects are a great reason for men to encourage a switch to fertility awareness. Some complications can even prove fatal [3]. These side effects have led to lawsuits against birth control manufacturers such as Mirena, Yaz, and Nuvaring. Widespread issues such as blood clots, new onset heart disease, embolisms, stroke, and organ perforation are just a few of the issues for which these birth control companies were found responsible. These issues are a great starting point for your discussion on why it may be time to leave hormonal birth control behind.
Hormonal birth control can decrease libido
Another common birth control side effect is a decrease in libido because it lowers testosterone levels. Many men are surprised to find out that women also make testosterone. Testosterone actually plays a big role in her “being in the mood.” But while hormonal birth control might make a woman more sexually available without the possibility of pregnancy, it can decrease her interest in having sex in the first place!
Birth control with a side of weight gain?
Dissatisfaction with weight is a sore subject for many women. Nearly 2,000 women each month Google ‘weight gain on birth control pill.’ Admittedly, the connection between weight gain and hormonal birth control remains controversial. Some research points the finger at hormonal birth control as the cause of weight gain [4]. Other research suggests that genetics may predispose some women to weight gain on birth control [5]. Regardless of the reason, many women do experience weight gain on birth control, and even Planned Parenthood acknowledges the phenomenon with certain types of birth control.
A common explanation insists that weight gain on birth control is temporary, due to increased water retention or appetite. Estrogen, as found in hormonal birth control, can cause water retention. Progestin can make a woman feel hungrier than usual. But we pointed out the limits of this explanation here.
Increased chance of divorce
According to this 2021 study, “Ever-use of contraceptive methods was associated with two times the odds of divorce and four times for cohabitation compared to those women who never-used those methods” [6]. And this 2023 study found that, as Mike Gaskins covered for Natural Womanhood, “Women who had ever taken hormonal oral contraceptives (like the Pill) divorced at a rate 54% above the study average. Women with tubal ligations divorced at a rate 78% above average” [7].
But don’t just emphasize birth control’s impacts on likelihood of divorce when you encourage a switch to fertility awareness. The good news is that fertility awareness use improves relationships and decreases divorce risk. As the 2023 study found, “Women who actively used Natural Family Planning were 47% LESS likely to divorce than the average. If you considered women who had ever used NFP, that group was still 31% less likely to divorce.”
How to address common misconceptions about switching from birth control to fertility awareness
It’s only fitting that the woman you chose to share a life with will sometimes passionately challenge your views. We men wouldn’t want it any other way! Answers to the common misconceptions below might help with questions that may come up as your wife considers a switch to NFP.
Natural Family Planning is outdated. It only looks at a calendar to guess at when fertile days are.
Many websites conflate natural family planning or fertility awareness with the Rhythm Method. The Rhythm Method predicts fertile days based on cycle history. Modern NFP methods rely on observations and tangible evidence that reliably identify real-time hormonal changes and stages of a cycle. Some evidence is even quantitative, giving an actual number readout, like with the use of a Mira Monitor.
Fertility Awareness Methods are ineffective.
Until recently, even I would have agreed with this claim. However, in 2019, the CDC amended its outdated claim that Fertility Awareness Methods had a failure rate of 24%. The updated information shows a rate of (2%-23%). If this change seems drastic that’s because it is. The antiquated 24% value was generated by lumping together the Rhythm Method and modern FAMS, and it was used by physicians to quickly discourage women from ever considering FAMs. But a recent study took a more systematic approach to analyzing FAMs, taking into account the huge differences between the Rhythm Method and FAMs [8]. Its evidence was so compelling that it gave the CDC enough confidence to lower the failure rate for FAMs to as low as 2%. This is competitive with the failure rates of hormonal methods and doesn’t come with any of the side effects.
Using these natural methods will hurt our relationship.
The website factsaboutfertility.org reported on a 2003 survey that asked “How did NFP help/harm the marriage? 600 individuals shared over 2000 responses. The large majority (74%) of these were overwhelmingly positive. Respondents reported that NFP use enhanced their relationship, and/or improved their knowledge, especially of the woman’s fertility and cycles.
Women with irregular cycles cannot effectively use FABMs.
As mentioned above, modern, natural methods rely on observations and objective evidence presented in real time–rather than using predictions, like the Rhythm Method did, which simply didn’t work for women with irregular cycles. So even women with irregular cycles are able to use natural methods. This discussion, which was medically reviewed by a Doctor of Nursing Practice (DNP), gives a more in depth explanation.
Men, if you encouraged her to switch to fertility awareness, help her follow through
At the end of the day, your wife’s buy-in is necessary to switch from birth control to fertility awareness. You can demonstrate your genuine concern for her well-being and provide information to help her make that decision. Make a Powerpoint if you need to. Also, recognize that it may take time for your spouse to get on board.
Stay involved after the switch, too. Continue to show her you understand that family planning is your shared responsibility as a couple, not her burden alone. Help her chart, get a calendar for the fridge, maybe use an app. Keep searching for ways you can help as a man. We promised “in sickness and in health” and now it’s time to make good on that promise.
