Using a fertility awareness method (FAM) for family planning often leads to more people coming into the world. Contrary to popular belief, however, this is not because these methods are too hard and thus more prone to error. Rather, people who use FAM often find that they are more open to life for a variety of positive (and sometimes surprising!) reasons. In fact, a large family may actually be a sign of the many benefits of fertility awareness.
My husband and I are a prime example of this awesome phenomenon. Twenty-five years into our marriage, we had decided that we should put off having any more children, perhaps indefinitely. We already had five well-spaced children, even though we’d always thought we’d have six. First, our finances were far from ideal, then there was a long upheaval when we decided to move to another state, and later I was working more and felt maxed out.
Five or six years after that initial decision, things were better, but I hadn’t changed my mind. Our eldest daughter, however, began asking us repeatedly to have another child, then switched to praying ardently for another sibling. After a year, my heart began to change, and soon I was pregnant with our sixth child.
At the time, I had a blog where I shared some of my experiences with being pregnant in my mid-forties. A friend excitedly replied to one of my posts that she and her husband had been considering the same question and decided to stop abstaining, too. She ended up having twins—her 11th & 12th children!
So what is it, exactly, about using a FAM that makes a couple (and perhaps even those around them!) so open to life? As we’ll discuss, there are a variety of beautiful, interrelated reasons why a couple practicing fertility awareness may actually choose to have more children than the average family.
Greater happiness and respect
First, women are often happier using FAM than they are using artificial contraception. Many women find that hormonal methods of birth control wreak havoc with their moods or negatively impact their overall health; FAMs don’t. Additionally, the periodic abstinence required by FAM usually results in women feeling more respected by their husbands. Birth control can lead to a woman feeling used, objectified, or solely responsible for family planning decisions, even if every couple who uses contraception may not consciously fall into this trap.
FAMs require sacrifice, which is what real love requires. Most men desire a good challenge, and so they may be surprised to discover an increased sense of self-respect when they learn the self-control required by FAM. Men who use FAM may also find themselves happier simply if their wives are happier (as it turns out, the old adage “happy wife, happy life” does have some data to back it up). At the same time, FAMs can also give women better insight into their husbands’ struggles, especially if they, too, have to work on self-control. After all, a woman’s libido is highest at peak fertility—which is exactly the time when couples who are avoiding pregnancy must abstain. While the mutual sacrifice required by FAM can no doubt be difficult, this hard work often leads to greater happiness and mutual respect in the relationship.
Better, deeper, and more frequent dialogue
As Janet E. Smith famously pointed out decades ago in her talk, “Contraception: Why Not?” using FAM results in more frequent marital discussions. If both husband and wife are feeling a deep desire to unite, then they’re likely to revisit their decision not to have a child at that time. This in turn leads to a discussion of their short-term and long-term goals, how things are going, and what each needs/wants; and making necessary adjustments accordingly. Almost invariably this improves their relationship—whether or not they decide to continue abstaining during fertile times—because they have had a chance to discuss their thoughts and needs on a deeper level than in day-to-day life.
Relationship benefits of fertility awareness
All the above almost always results in a better, stronger relationship. Moreover, a FAM-practicing couple is in this effort together, which boosts the confidence of each in the other and in the relationship lasting. (In fact, the divorce rate among those practicing FAM is a tiny fraction of that of the general public: 2% vs. ~ 50%.) With more hope for their joint future, both may become more open to having a/another child.
Greater openness
In fact, all of the above benefits of fertility awareness often result in more openness to children. Through the knowledge obtained while learning and using a FAM, a couple may also gain a wonder at, and respect for, the female body’s natural signs of waning and waxing fertility, and the design of their shared person-making capability.
Sharing with others
Lastly, when you’ve found something so good, you can’t help wanting to share it, and your experience may very well convince others to do the same.
My Catholic high school evidently was extremely unusual in teaching seniors what we then called Natural Family Planning (NFP)—I have yet to meet anyone else who had this experience. I was so impressed by it that I was determined to use it if I got married, more so for the benefits of fertility awareness than simply because it was Catholic teaching. In fact, when I enthusiastically told two anti-Catholic feminist relatives about it, both agreed that it was awesome.
But it gets even better. Remember my friend, who upon reading my blog decided to have children number 11 and 12? Five years after that, we went to visit her family. When I mentioned that my daughter’s prayers had resulted in our sixth child being born, my friend responded that I was actually responsible for nine of her twelve children. I was flabbergasted! She said that not long after we first met, when she had three kids, we were at a playground and I told her about NFP. (I have no memory of this.) She went home and told her husband what I had shared, they read Pope Paul VI’s encyclical Humanae Vitae, loved it, and together they decided to become even more open to life.
So if you have ever wondered why some of us who practice fertility awareness have more children than the average couple, I hope this article clears up some of the misconceptions surrounding FAM and NFP. Our big families are not necessarily a sign that the method we use didn’t work for us—in fact, it might be exactly the opposite!
When this article refers to fertility awareness methods (FAM), or natural family planning (NFP), we are referring to Fertility Awareness-Based Methods, evidence-based methods of cycle charting which can be used as effective forms of natural birth control when learned by a certified instructor.
Want to learn more about the benefits of fertility awareness? Check out these articles and resources next!
The Benefits of Charting for Your Mental Health
Medical Benefits of Fertility Awareness: Why Doctors Need to Embrace the Science of Charting
Benefits of Fertility Awareness Based Methods
10 Reasons to Consider Switching from Birth Control to Fertility Awareness
Last updated October 26, 2020.