As women, it can feel like pressure to get on the Pill (or any form of hormonal contraception, for that matter) comes at us from all angles. It seems like news articles, social media, our health classes, and even our doctors and gynecologists are quick to push birth control without a second thought. And if you’re anything like me, I bet the majority of your friends and female family members are either on the Pill currently, or have been on it at some point, creating social pressure from your very own inner circle.
If you’re wary of hormonal contraceptives and their many drawbacks, it can be simple enough to stand your ground and remain Pill-free when the pressure mounts from these outside sources. But it’s a whole different dilemma when the push to get on the Pill is coming from your boyfriend, fiancé, or spouse.
Time for a relationship reality check
Of course, if your significant other is bringing up contraception, it’s most likely because he has sex on his mind. In that case, the first thing to do is to consider if you want to enter into that new phase of your relationship with him. Or if you’ve already entered that stage, ask yourself if that’s something you’d like to continue. Sex is a huge step in a romantic relationship (which is why more and more young adults are choosing chastity/abstinence), so consider if your values and life goals align with those of your boyfriend. Even if your intercourse doesn’t result in a child, having sex has long-term consequences for your mental and physical health (and future relationships, if this one doesn’t last), so it shouldn’t be treated lightly. Take some time to check in with yourself and honestly evaluate if this is something you’re ready for in your relationship.
In a serious relationship–such as marriage, or an engaged couple that’s preparing for marriage–your significant other likely has at least some say in your health decisions. And when it comes to contraception, your significant other’s input on the matter is even more crucial. After all, it takes two to tango, so your chosen form of contraception affects him, too!
If you’re not to the point of marriage or engagement, but still considering having sex, you need to consider the obvious fact that sexual intercourse could result in children, even if you are on contraception (absolutely no form of contraception is 100% effective). If the thought of raising a family with your significant other is inconceivable, the harsh truth is that you shouldn’t be having sex with him.
If your boyfriend’s asking about birth control, do your research together
But if your relationship is serious (i.e., you’re married or engaged or seriously contemplating it), and sex is definitely in the not-too-distant future, it’s a good idea to start looking into methods of family planning together. Because, let’s be honest: Most men don’t know much about family planning–whether it’s fertility awareness or contraception. Beyond a basic awareness of the different forms (i.e. the pill, condoms, IUD, etc.), it’s likely that your guy hasn’t given birth control a whole lot of thought. If that’s the case, then now is your opportunity to talk to your significant other about the different forms of contraception. See this as a chance to grow closer to each other as you learn together and communicate openly, which is vital if you’re considering entering into a sexual relationship together.
If your significant other is new to the contraception conversation, he probably doesn’t know the risks of hormonal birth control (which are plentiful!). Using the Pill to prevent pregnancy has been the norm for the past several decades, so chances are he thinks it’s harmless. If that’s the case, use this time to point out the numerous drawbacks of hormonal contraception.
Researching contraception is a serious matter, but that doesn’t mean it has to be dull. You can make the research more engaging by listening to podcasts together on the topic. For your next movie night together, watch the documentary The Business of Birth Control. In your spare time, read articles on the subject and share them with each other to discuss later on. You might find that spending time together pursuing a common goal strengthens your relationship in ways you never expected.
This attitude is a red flag
After deep-diving the ins and outs of contraception together, hopefully your man has gained a better understanding of why hormonal birth control isn’t as safe as it’s cracked up to be. Is he still insisting you get on contraception even after learning about its side effects and the negative impact it could have on your health and well-being? Then here’s another harsh truth: it’s probably time to consider a breakup. After all, what he’s essentially telling you is: your health doesn’t matter as much to me as my ability to have (mostly) consequence-free sex.
Decide if a Fertility Awareness Method is right for you
After considering the nature of your relationship and researching contraception, you might decide that abstinence is right for your current situation. But if sex is definitely, reasonably on the table (i.e., you’re married or planning to be), and you decide you don’t want to use hormonal birth control now or in the future, it’s a good time to start researching Fertility Awareness Methods (FAM).
If you’re new to Fertility Awareness, learning the ins and outs can be daunting. Fortunately, Natural Womanhood makes the first steps of research easy with our Complete Guide to Fertility Awareness. Here you’ll get the scoop on the five most commonly used forms of FAM, the pros and cons of natural contraception, and tips on the best ways to learn a fertility awareness method. With this better understanding of FAM, you can make an informed decision on what method is right for your lifestyle.
Don’t forget to get your significant other involved in this research, too! Learning about fertility awareness together can be another great bonding experience. Not only will your own body literacy increase as you gain more appreciation for your feminine cycle, but he will also gain better insight into what you’re experiencing–physically and emotionally–during each phase. Oh, and he’ll understand that your fertility doesn’t exist in a vacuum; that, together, you have a shared fertility, for which you are both responsible. That understanding and empathy can go a long way in terms of connecting with each other and developing a strong and lasting relationship.
FAM is a responsibility (and so is sex)
Keep in mind, using any sort of Fertility Awareness Method to prevent pregnancy is a big responsibility. In order for a FAM to be effective, you have to check in with your body every day and chart your symptoms. That way you’ll know what part of your cycle you’re in and can determine whether or not having sex on a given day aligns with your desire to avoid or achieve pregnancy. In other words–just like a sexual relationship–committing to a FAM requires discipline and maturity. It should not be entered into lightly. In both cases, you must weigh the risks and benefits and decide with your significant other what is the right route for your relationship.
