I first heard of natural family planning (NFP) during my undergraduate years, and I wasn’t resistant to it. Being Catholic, the Catholic Church’s consistency of teaching on both the sanctity of life and openness to children made NFP use a logical conclusion for family planning. I was hesitant, however, about how well I could practice it. After all, I was the only person in my family who would be utilizing a modern NFP method (those around me were most familiar with the unreliable Rhythm Method). On the other hand, my husband Carlos had great confidence in NFP, including the ability to avoid pregnancy if desired, and arranged for us to learn via the Couple to Couple League during our engagement. Meeting the teaching couple, who both held doctorates, made me comfortable and confident in the method’s scientific and social claims.
NFP has never been easy, but it has been worthwhile
We found (and still find) that the use of NFP requires both virtue and sacrifice. To abstain from marital intimacy at various times when our bodies are hoping for that union means there’s great need for communication. Early on, we made big communication mistakes: we struggled with just ignoring each other during fertile times of the month, and then we struggled with feeling disconnected when we didn’t have to abstain anymore. We learned to make use of various tools like the “love languages,” and started prioritizing consistent date nights to improve our intimacy, whether abstaining or not.
Teaching other couples shored up our own commitment to NFP
It was also beneficial to be involved in marriage ministry and specifically teaching NFP to other couples. We found that serving others, being vulnerable with our struggles and victories, kept us focused on the importance of NFP in our lives. It also helped other couples see that a successful marriage and NFP were compatible—and even necessary! We openly shared about our experience with the effectiveness of postponing and conceiving using NFP, as well as the benefit of knowing NFP after we had our two miscarriages. NFP allowed us to grow our family, to grieve our children who passed, and to plan for future ones.
A different method of NFP helped us avoid pregnancy in order to care well for our daughter with Apert Syndrome
Upon our fourth child’s birth, we discovered that our daughter Maggie had Apert Syndrome. At first, we knew nothing about her diagnosis other than what we could find via a Google search and a hospital pediatrician’s general overview of the issues associated with Apert Syndrome. We soon learned that Apert Syndrome had caused Maggie’s cells to fuse together too early, causing craniosynostosis and the fusing of her fingers and toes.
We spent a good amount of time finding a medical team that would walk beside us, helping us remedy any pressure on Maggie’s brain, any impact upon her vision, and also assess her heart, which had two holes in it. We were constantly monitoring her airways, which were impacted by the fusion in her skull. Within the first 4 years of Maggie’s life, she had 5 major surgeries in a hospital out-of-state. Thankfully, we were surrounded by family who supported us and watched over our older children so that we could be attentive to Maggie’s recoveries.
We’re also thankful that shortly before Maggie’s arrival, we started using the Marquette Model of NFP. This method helped us be more certain during the postpartum period, allowing us to postpone another pregnancy while we spent a few years focusing on Maggie’s medical care and needs. After six previous pregnancies spaced using the Symptothermal method, gaining knowledge of the Marquette Method and the greater certainty it gave us during the postpartum period was a gift to our marriage and to the care of our daughter.
NFP allowed us to give all our children plus our marriage the care each needed
Thanks to the Marquette Method of NFP, we were able to avoid pregnancy for a time and focus on Maggie’s health while taking care of our other three children and our marriage. NFP gave us the information we needed to postpone a pregnancy that could have put additional strain on an already stressful time. Furthermore, knowing through NFP that I wasn’t pregnant enabled me to physically be in the room with Maggie during her X-rays, and allowed me to give her undivided attention during those key years of development and therapies. Postponing pregnancy through NFP also gave me time to focus on our three older children as they adjusted to all of the travel, and the changes that come with having a sibling who has various medical needs.
When we were ready to welcome another child, NFP helped us determine our times of fertility
As time passed, though, our family (children included) started expressing the hope of having another little baby in our midst. Carlos and I had known that we wanted to have another baby, but the timing always felt off. There always seemed to be a surgery around the corner that would require us to make sure all of our children had the attention, schooling, care, and nurturing they needed from both Carlos and me. We were also journeying through a job change and starting a non-profit. In other words, our plates were full… until one day we realized they weren’t anymore.
Our non-profit was succeeding, Maggie’s doctors gave us the great news that we would have a few years before another surgery, and both Carlos and I were in complete unison that it would be a great time to start trying to conceive. For a few months, we didn’t conceive. Unlike all of our other children, who were conceived very quickly, this child took longer. Yet, because of NFP, we weren’t worried about whether we were reading the signs of fertility correctly. I knew what I was seeing, and we were confident that when it was the right timing, we would conceive.
Maggie’s medical journey was, and still can be, stressful and heartbreaking at times, but it is also filled with so many reasons to be thankful and joyful. While this medical journey could have led us down a pathway of feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of having another child with medical needs, Maggie’s resilience, love, and joy made it easy for us to say, “Wouldn’t it be great to have another little baby around?”
Editor’s Note: In April of 2024, the Tejeda family welcomed another little girl, Maria Emiliana Elena.
Additional Reading:
My NFP Story: How I learned my migraines weren’t hormone-related
On the flip side, we remained open to life during our daughter’s 2.25 year hospital stay 300 miles away from home. I gave birth to our youngest daughter at home with midwives (and our 7 other children) while my husband and hospitalized daughter joined us on Skype. It was so hard! But when our daughter in hospital passed away 10 months later, our new baby was such a blessing and consolation through the grief. It’s been 2 years now, and that rather unplanned baby is wearing her sister’s clothes and has so many of her mannerisms and even personality traits. Of course no one can replace our daughter who is with the Lord, but I am thankful every day that God gave us courage to say YES to that baby in the face of incredibly difficult odds!
Thank you for your story, Samantha! We love that NFP can be life-giving in so many different ways when couples prayerfully discern whether to avoid or achieve pregnancy. The Tejedas provided us with a beautiful example of that in their story, above. Truly, NFP is such a gift!