A teacher friend of mine told me that one day after school an 8th grader came to her crying hysterically. “I’m pregnant,” the girl finally blurted out when she calmed down enough to talk. “Wait, how do you know you are?” the teacher asked the girl. “‘Cuz he kissed me,” was the girl’s answer. Turns out her mom had told her that if a guy kissed her she’d get pregnant.
A Common Misconception
Most people would object to going quite so far in using even such well-intentioned, not-so-little white lies with a child, even “for her own good.” But what about “You can get pregnant any time”? Ever heard that one? I have. Ever told someone that? Sure, it’s not really true, but better to go a little too far in protection than not far enough, right?
Probably what many who speak those words to a young woman literally mean is, “I don’t know what days you could get pregnant. As far as I know and as far as you are concerned, you might get pregnant any day. I certainly don’t know which days you could or couldn’t. It’s all a deep dark mystery, so it’s better to always assume you could get pregnant and therefore be protected. Better to think the risk is always there, then you’ll be less likely to take a risk.” Sometimes lies seem safer than the truth. The first problem, though, is that most of us don’t know the truth.
Take a look at Cassie Wilson Moriarty’s crowdfunding promotion video that led to her successfully completed project Mis-Contraception, a documentary about natural alternatives to contraceptives. To show the need for her documentary, she asked numerous individuals, “How many days of the month can a woman get pregnant?” Their answers reveal that we might as well be in the Dark Ages for how much the current level of knowledge from scientific progress has sifted down to us regular folks. Actually women in the Dark Ages probably had folk knowledge of their cycles that surpasses the level of practical knowledge of the average woman today.
In a 2014 Yale survey of 1,000 women ages 18-40, half of them showed “complete misconceptions” of the basic facts of their own reproductive systems with “significant gaps” and “widespread misunderstanding” in women’s health literacy.
“Can you get pregnant any time during the month? Or do you have to be ovulating??” a young woman asks on an online forum where moms exchange “information.” Another mentions she got pregnant when she wasn’t even ovulating, that she is one of those “rare” individuals who has gotten pregnant when they weren’t ovulating.
“You can get pregnant any time of the month but it’s a lot easier when you are ovulating,” asserts the “expert” of the group, with confidence. This exchange illustrates well the common confusion of women about their bodies. How little we women know is all the more lamentable in comparison to what we might so easily know.
Why the Truth “Doesn’t Matter”
This ignorance, whether real or feigned, that we pass on, either sincerely or manipulatively, to our children or students plays an important role in the entrenchment of the status quo: the conventional solutions to the “problem” of fertility. This lie that “nobody knows much about how pregnancy actually happens” is necessary for the story, to show the need for the hero, the savior: contraceptives. It’s a lie that effectively scares girls into strict dependence on contraceptives.
Sex ed, whether in school, at home or elsewhere, can then be covered quite simply in about five minutes. Yes, Virginia, you can get pregnant any day, so use one of these contraceptives consistently, and you will always be safe. It’s the only way to avoid pregnancy right now. It’s your only hope of avoiding a baby every year once you become sexually active. Your body has a deceptive force of its own. It’s not your friend, it’s your enemy. Only an outside force can save you from its boundless, mysterious power. Either you drug your body into submission, implanting foreign objects in your body or flooding your the system with synthetic hormones, either you suppress or destroy the functions of fertility, or you fall prey to it.
It’s a solution with the fewest possible moving parts, the least demand upon ignorant, undisciplined and error-prone humans. Thus the bases are effectively and efficiently covered for the greatest number of young women in the least amount of time and with the least amount of effort, and with the greatest amount of financial gain for contraceptives manufacturers.
No further education is necessary for the complexities of the body. The truth isn’t necessary and neither is knowledge. The truth actually muddies the waters and threatens the efficiency of the plan. No risks are taken of giving women a little knowledge that might become a dangerous thing. Being ignorant in this case is in our own best interest. Ignorance is bliss.
The Truth & Why It Matters
Casual observation tells us that unprotected sex doesn’t always result in pregnancy. But why that is so is no longer a mystery to science. Certain scientists, though not many doctors have known for decades now the signs that indicate exactly when a particular woman ovulates. Scientists have known for many years now exactly how many days and exactly which days a month a woman could get pregnant, relative to her date of ovulation.
It’s been known for years now, though still not common knowledge, that a woman can learn that conception is possible only a few certain days per month, and that those days can be identified with great accuracy, and that when she learns how to identify her own fertile days, she is empowered to choose her days accordingly. It’s within a woman’s grasp to know whether she is risking pregnancy or not, every day of the month.
“Why did no one tell me about this? It’s an injustice,” one young woman said of this truth, which she discovered only long after she was married.
“We had an option and no one ever told us,” said a young optometrist whose 37-year-old wife had a stroke and was in a wheelchair, permanently disabled as a result of hormonal contraceptives.
If you are among those informing young people about their options for family planning, if you are a sex educator at home or professionally, consider yourself now informed. Telling women lies about their fertility and keeping them in the dark when light is available can’t possibly be the best way to help them and respect them as persons. Ignorance isn’t bliss when it means missing out on better options. Educate yourself to know the truth and then pass it on. Truth is better than lies, knowledge is better than ignorance.
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