Figuring out the right way to talk to your child about puberty is hard.
What is the right age to start? Should you tell them everything all at once? Is it better to make a big deal about it or be casual? How will they react? What questions will they ask?
For many of us, these questions are emotionally charged by our own memories of how we found out about puberty or “the birds and the bees.” I remember the first time I ever heard about periods was from a slightly older girl who lived down the street. I left the conversation thinking I would menstruate from my belly button, and this impression was not corrected until a year later when I finally got the real “period talk” myself.
Why is Jessica Biel writing about periods?
Jessica Biel, an actress who got her big break on 7th Heaven and has starred in many films since, had a tough time processing her own first period. This led her to write a children’s book with the goal of normalizing periods.
The book, A Kids Book About Periods, has a simple gray, white, and red design, and is devoid of diagrams or descriptive visuals. In fact, many of the pages are generally blank except for a few bolded sentences. For example, every few pages, there is a red background page with some exclamation like “Periods are normal!” or “Periods are cool.”
Who is the book’s intended audience?
A Kids Book About Periods is aimed at a late elementary, early middle school audience. Biel begins with a quick description of the first time she got her period, which seems to imply she had no idea what a period was before that moment (an all-too common traumatic experience for many girls). She panicked at the sight of blood in the toilet and did not know who to tell or what to do.
Main content of A Kids Book About Periods
In the book, Biel then proceeds to describe, with artful language, what a period is. To paraphrase, it goes a bit something like this: people assigned female at birth, who have a uterus, will be alerted by hormones to shed the uterine lining when it isn’t needed by a growing embryo. This causes a period. The hormones cause other changes, too, like big moods. Periods can start at any age from 7 to 17, and everyone will have different side effects like breakouts or headaches.
Finally, Biel writes about the embarrassment or fears that “people with periods” might experience, and how these are perfectly normal. She says that the reader shouldn’t be scared to talk to adults about their experiences, and they should remember periods are totally normal.
Talking to your kids about puberty is hard, but this book is not the way to start
It’s my contention that this children’s book, though presumably written with good intentions, fails to provide the needed context for female puberty, and thus leaves a young reader with more questions than answers.
Additionally, Biel’s own experiences color the pages with suggestions of negative impressions of a period, which some young girls may not have considered. I could see a young reader wondering “if periods are so normal and cool, why does this book have to emphasize it so many times?” In my experience, kids in the age-range of the book’s intended audience know by now that most things adults say are “cool” usually are not actually cool.
Who can have a period?
Furthermore, Biel’s efforts to avoid words like “girls” and “women” when describing who will get a period creates unnecessary confusion for a young reader. Referring instead, as she does, to “people with uteruses” or “people with periods” sends a materialist message that people can be reduced to nothing more than their body parts.
There is also a noticeable absence of explanation for the purpose of the female reproductive system; that is, to reproduce. The word baby appears once in an asterisk at the bottom of a page, and the word embryo is used once in the main text, but is not defined unless the reader goes to the glossary. Of course, teaching about puberty before teaching about sex is a common method across philosophical spectrums, but the blatant lack of reference to the phases of the cycle and ovulation does not seem to be related to fears of a child asking about the ins and outs of pregnancy. It seems more like an intentional separation of menstruation from fertility, a separation of femininity from womanhood.
…the blatant lack of reference to the phases of the cycle and ovulation does not seem to be related to fears of a child asking about the ins and outs of pregnancy. It seems more like an intentional separation of menstruation from fertility, a separation of femininity from womanhood.
A negative impression of periods
Undoubtedly, too many young girls today get their first periods without knowing what a period is–this can lead to confusion at best, and fear and trauma at worst. However, a young girl who is sitting with an adult reading this book, as the book itself recommends, is likely not such an individual. Jessica Biel was one of those young girls, and unfortunately, the confusion and fear she felt colors much of the rest of her experience with (and how she writes about) periods. She therefore makes the questionable decision of listing out all the things she worried about as a young girl upon first getting her period: that it should be kept a secret, that something was wrong with her, that she would be made fun of, that she was gross, etc.
Will girls be better or worse off after reading this book?
Children are very susceptible to the power of suggestion. While I’m sure many of us felt at some point early on in our menstruation journey some (or all) of the concerns that Biel lists, sharing that experience might have been better suited to a memoir–not a period guidebook geared towards kids. After all, a young girl who has not experienced a period probably has not wondered if it (or she herself) is “gross.” Before reading this book, she might not feel weird and awkward talking about periods. She might not think that she has to hide pads on the way to the bathroom. But after reading this book, she certainly will at least wonder if she should.
Before reading this book, she might not feel weird and awkward talking about periods. She might not think that she has to hide pads on the way to the bathroom. But after reading this book, she certainly will at least wonder if she should.
Think of all the things a pre-teen hears from adults that just don’t ring true to their young ears–math is fun, vegetables are yummy, social media is bad–the list is endless! Repeating them over and over doesn’t make them more true to the young person, but instead signals how untrue they must be for the adults around them to be digging in their heels so resolutely. This book repeats over and over and over how “normal,” “cool,” and “powerful” periods are–without explaining their purpose or their design (that is, the things that might actually help girls see how powerful they are). Biel’s mistake is in believing that merely telling girls what to think will actually make them think it. Really, though, it’s likely to make her young readers wonder what they should think instead.
There are better ways to help young girls not be afraid of their periods
Hollywood stars have been turning to publishing for extra income since the dawn of cinema. Some of their books are harmless and even cute. Others are controversial. Jessica Biel seems to have intended this book to be the former–a simple, gentle introduction to periods. However, her efforts to appeal to extreme ideological audiences and inability to consider beyond her own personal experiences make this book an unfulfilling overreach. Having a platform doesn’t make you qualified to speak on any topic you feel passionate about. Good intentions don’t necessarily translate to good content.
My advice (which is probably unsurprising, at this point!) is to skip A Kids Book About Periods. It’ll have its moment in the sun due to the author’s fame, but my hunch is that it’ll soon be dwindling on the back corners of used bookshops as parents (and their daughters!) demonstrate a preference for genuinely informative, unbiased launching points for conversations about puberty.
An alternative solution
And for that, they can look to Natural Womanhood’s Period Genius program. Period Genius: A Smart Parent’s Guide to Puberty equips parents to break the cycle of ignorance about periods, puberty, and fertility.
Period Genius: A Smart Parent’s Guide to Puberty equips parents to break the cycle of ignorance about periods, puberty, and fertility.
The 10-part video series includes printable guides so parents can talk to their daughters about their periods and help them understand their bodies, become comfortable with their cycles, and appreciate the gift of their fertility. Rather than telling girls what to think about puberty, their periods, or their fertility, Period Genius empowers moms to teach their girls about these things in the context of what they are for, and how they impact a woman’s health and well-being. Check it out today: The first video is viewable for free here.
Listen:
NW Podcast S3Ep7: You need to teach your daughter about her cycles: Here’s how
Additional Reading:
Things my friends taught me about periods (that I wish my Mom had talked to me about first)
Cycle Mindfulness: What happens when you teach fertility awareness to teen girls
Signs that your daughter will be getting her first period soon
