A personal note from the author: I am a Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) instructor, which means that I teach women and couples how to chart their fertility for family planning and general health guidance. Practically, that means I teach in groups or private sessions—usually online—and the process takes about 3 months ideally. 3 classes, each a month apart. I start with basics and each class builds a little more complexity and nuance to it. Since sexuality is naturally an intimate topic, we get into intimate conversations. We talk about each woman or couple’s fears, concerns, and questions. Some women are dealing with infertility while others may have had unexpected pregnancies with other methods (hormonal and otherwise). Some couples are not sexually active and others are. Some couples are preparing for marriage while others have been married for decades. Whoever I am teaching, it always works best when they are vulnerable, open, and honest. Yes, we’re talking about personal things and body parts and sex. But I am so grateful to be that person for my clients. Ours is a special and unique relationship.
You can reach out as often as you need
We talk a lot at Natural Womanhood about the importance of learning a fertility awareness method (FAM) from a trained instructor, especially if you want to maximize method efficacy. But why is that, exactly? Besides making sure you learn the “how” and “why” of the rules of your method, a huge benefit of having a FAM instructor is that they can give you feedback that you might not be able to see for yourself.
Your FAM instructor is your professional fertility confidant and guide, so reach out as often as you need to. I always tell my clients to email or text with ANY questions at any time. That way, when you have a wonky cycle and you’re not sure what’s going on, you can get objective, real-time feedback. Sometimes, I even need an objective third party to look at my own cycle chart. It’s easy to get in your head and see what you want to see. It’s the same adage that doctors shouldn’t doctor themselves!
You will likely need lots of hand-holding up front, and that’s okay
On that note, the learning curve for FAMs is real! I do a lot of hand-holding in the early months when people are nervous or lacking in confidence. After all, using a FAM is still a countercultural choice, and we’ve all likely internalized to some extent the misinformation that FAMs aren’t as effective at preventing pregnancy as artificial methods of birth control like the Pill or IUD.
To assuage any fears for new FAM users, I encourage my clients to send me pictures and day-to-day updates so I can provide the feedback and encouragement needed (along with time, of course) that are the quickest way to gain confidence in charting.
Another great thing a FAM instructor can do is help guide you through the various reproductive seasons. I have been teaching long enough now that I have worked with a couple during marriage prep, then helped them achieve pregnancy when desired (I’m often the first person outside of the couple to learn about that positive pregnancy test!), and then helped them chart postpartum.
Since needs change over the years, as do hormones and cycles, your FAM needs to match. I often customize which biomarkers a woman tracks in response to those needs. So, for example, if avoiding pregnancy is a super high priority but a woman isn’t fully confident in her cervical fluid observations, we may add a cross check like LH urine test strips or basal body temperature (BBT) readings. If avoiding pregnancy is less important, and her cycles are pretty easy to read, maybe cervical fluid is the only biomarker she needs to chart. Charting needs are fluid (no pun intended, I swear!).
You’ll have a safe space to spill struggles around sexual intimacy
Even beyond the technical ins-and-outs of charting, sometimes my clients just need to vent or explain something that they are struggling with in their intimate life. Some of these disclosures include a couple being on separate pages about avoiding (or achieving) pregnancy, struggling with periods of abstinence during the fertile window, mismatched libidos, painful sex, difficulty climaxing, or expectations not being fulfilled. It is an honor to be a point-person for this. While I will be the first to admit I am not a medical professional, I can be a safe space for someone to put words to their feelings, and I have some wonderful resources that I can point them towards.
Also, there is a level of anonymity built into the FAM instructor role that helps couples feel all the more comfortable with sharing these things. Since I often teach virtually and don’t usually live in my clients’ towns, I’m unlikely to run into them in their daily lives.
You’ll have a point-person in addition to your healthcare provider
As I mentioned above, I am not a medical professional. Some teachers may have varying levels of medical education, but practicing medicine is not the goal of fertility awareness. I am not a doctor and I won’t pretend to be. My role isn’t to diagnose, order blood work, or prescribe medication. But similar to doulas in the birth world, I can provide relationship-based information, education, resources, and connection with other practitioners. A doula and a fertility educator alike are often the first people to hear the concerns you may or may not eventually bring to a healthcare provider.
For example, you probably wouldn’t tell your OB or midwife about how you really want more babies, but your partner doesn’t, but you’re worried you won’t be able to conceive again anyway, and your cycles have been a bit wonky, and your partner has been a little emotionally distant lately, and, and… (but hat’s off to your practitioner if you are able to have those kinds of conversations with them!). Instead, you can work through some of these challenges together with your FAM instructor, before theoretically bringing the potential medical concern in the scenario above (ability to conceive again) to your doctor.
Your relationship with your FAM instructor is paramount
Now that you’ve learned all the reasons why having a FAM instructor is a good idea, it should be obvious that it’s super important that you feel comfortable with your instructor. Your comfort with your instructor is a major component of what will allow you to feel satisfied with your FAM and with fertility awareness in general.
If you have picked what you feel is the right method, but you don’t jive with the teacher, you might be hesitant to really commit to the method. You might not want to reach out with those vital questions that help you understand your cycle and feel truly confident in your method. This is why I would honestly rather someone find someone else than stick with me if it’s not a good fit. Your FAM instructor can take it, really. And if you do find yourself looking for a new instructor, most teachers are happy to chat on the phone for a quick call, just so you can see if it might be a good fit, a little like speed dating!
In fact, I sometimes think the relationship is almost more important than the method. After all, the methods are generally the same information (especially what’s communicated during intro classes), with a few differences, simply delivered in different packages. This is why I often stress that the intro class you take doesn’t have to be THE method you use for the rest of your life. Any intro class will give you a pretty solid foundation in the necessary anatomical and physiological principles on which you can continue to build your knowledge. Plus, a lot of instructors, like myself, have trained in a few different methods, so it’s not like taking Greek vs Arabic if you end up switching methods. In fact, many of us are usually fluent in a few FAM “languages,” because there’s more crossover than one might think.
The bottom line: Yes, you really do need a FAM instructor
Working with a certified fertility educator gives you confidence in your charting, support for troubleshooting both cycle charts and intimate questions, and relationship-based care that can take the challenges that come with the changing seasons of life in stride. A FAM instructor is 100% in your and your partner’s court, no matter what your pregnancy intention or health monitoring goal may be.
Additional Reading:
4 reasons it’s worth it to get a fertility awareness instructor
Find a fertility awareness class or instructor
FAM Basics: What can charting your menstrual cycle tell you about your hormonal health?
