It’s the middle of the night. You have a big presentation at work tomorrow that could set you on a path toward promotion. Your spouse is snoring loudly next to you, and you hear the baby start to cry in the other room. You smile, take a deep breath, and think, “I am so grateful that I am awake right now living this beautiful life.” You feel the tension begin to leave your body, and it is just slightly easier to get out of bed for an after-hours overtime mom shift. You fall back asleep easily and knock the presentation out of the park the next day. On your drive home from work, you think, “wow, life really is so good” and this time you actually mean it.
Gratitude is a powerful antidote to the weight of womanhood. Women are built to benefit from this small, yet shockingly difficult, habit. Adding just minutes of thanksgiving to your day can lower estrés, balance hormones, and improve your overall mental and physical health. But what is gratitude exactly and—recognizing its many benefits—how can we build this important mental habit?
The cycle of gratitude
Gratitude is a deliberate mental act. Although for some it can become second nature, underneath our conscious experience is a complex neurological dance of social cognition, value judgment, emotional regulation, and theory of mind.
The dance begins when someone is the recipient of an act or gift and their medial prefrontal cortex ‘lights up’ as it processes the giver’s intention toward them [1] [2]. The anterior cingulate cortex works in tandem to decipher a transactional exchange from an altruistic one [1] [2]. Recognition of a genuine gift activates the striatum and neural reward-processing circuitry, filling the receiver with an experience of pleasure toward the giver [2]. This recognition gets solidified in the receiver’s and giver’s memories, reinforcing the relationship and action. These reward pathways also activate the hypothalamus, which is the command center for the regulation of bodily functions like sleeping, eating, and stress [1] [2]. Positive activation of these regions explains how experiences of gratitude can lead to benefits like improved sleep and decreased stress [1] [2] [3].
Each act of gratitude rewires the brain toward greater gratitude in the future. Research has found that individuals who write a single letter expressing gratitude show greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex 3 months later compared to a control group [4].
Each act of gratitude rewires the brain toward greater gratitude in the future. Research has found that individuals who write a single letter expressing gratitude show greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex 3 months later compared to a control group.
The impact of gratitude
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude will have outsized impacts on your mood, health, and quality of life [5] [6].
Research shows that gratitude interventions disrupt rumination and negative thinking cycles, reducing depression scores by about 8% [5]. Incorporating opportunities for gratitude into your day, such as writing in a gratitude journal, can lower stress and self-criticism while improving self-compassion. Furthermore, gratitude can be key in acceptance of difficult physical and psychological burdens, like infertility, allowing women to face the struggles of their lives without feeling defined by them.
Gratitude acts like a shield against chronic stress. We experience gratitude as a conscious stream of positive thoughts, but underneath this conscious effort is active regulation of your stress activation center, the HPA axis. Some research has shown that gratitude can significantly lower cortisol, the stress hormone, blood pressure, and inflammation [2] [7] [8]. Adding gratitude practices to your bedtime routine can alleviate difficulty falling asleep and improve sleep quality [3]. Sleep quality and length are highly correlated to health and well-being.
Gratitude acts like a shield against chronic stress. We experience gratitude as a conscious stream of positive thoughts, but underneath this conscious effort is active regulation of your stress activation center, the HPA axis. Some research has shown that gratitude can significantly lower cortisol, the stress hormone, blood pressure, and inflammation
Relationships, another impactful piece of one’s well-being puzzle, can be improved by gratitude practices. Recognizing moments for gratitude in relationships can increase relationship connection and satisfaction [9] [10]. Expressions of gratitude trigger cycles of mutually beneficial behaviors, further benefiting and solidifying the relationship [9].
Women may have a headstart on gratitude
Gratitude is a highly social emotion to which women are uniquely tuned [11] [12]. Women can be more socially motivated than men and are by their nature oriented towards becoming caregivers and mothers. Research into gender differences in various gratitude situations and experiences indicates that women are more likely than men to feel and express gratitude as well as to enjoy its benefits. This could be due to women’s greater tendency to successfully disassociate gratitude from indebtedness. When women receive assistance or a gift, they are less likely to feel a debt burden and report higher levels of positive affect than men [12].
Some have theorized that gratitude plays a key role in the evolution of female stress responses and survival mechanisms. Specifically, expressions of gratitude are a way for women to signal to her social network that she is a cooperative and reliable connection. In threatening or unknown situations, women often will demonstrate behaviors related to “tending”, meaning behaviors that promote safety and reduce distress, and “befriending”, meaning creating and maintaining social connections. Gratitude experiences downregulating stress responses and is key in developing social bonds [13].
So, how do we build this important habit?
Habits are hard to build without a clear plan and commitment to change [14]. However, adding opportunities for gratitude to your day is manageable, and you will likely experience immediate benefits.
Plan gratitude reflections into your day. Find pieces of your day with natural opportunity for reflection– first thing in the morning, before meals, right before bed– and take a moment to reflect on opportunities for gratitude. Consider starting a gratitude journal to solidify this habit. Place the journal somewhere that helps you remember your gratitude goals. You could set a daily alarm on your phone and write in your notes app.
Next time you recognize an opportunity for gratitude, make sure to express your thanks out loud. Acts of exchange are easy ways to build this habit (“Thank you for checking my groceries out”; “Thank you for holding the door”), but there is also an opportunity to use gratitude to strengthen relationships unprompted (“Thank you for going to work each day and providing for our family”; “I am grateful I get to be your mom”).
Be specific about what you are grateful for, both in self-reflective gratitude and with others. Exercising specificity in your thanks activates the neural regions more strongly. Consider the time and neural energy related to writing “I am grateful for my home” in your journal compared to “I am grateful to live in this beautiful country near my family in a house that keeps us warm and safe.” This mental elaboration kicks the brain out of its resting state and turns on the gratitude pathways.
Finally, don’t give up. Habit building is difficult. If you forget to journal one day or just can’t bring yourself to override a grumpy mood, then be gentle with yourself and try again tomorrow. You’ll be grateful you did.
