You know that fertility is an indicator of health in the body, but have you ever considered its spiritual dimension? Mary Bruno does just this in her book, Holding Space for Joy: A Prayer Companion for Women Struggling with Infertility. More retreat than self-help guide, this short but profound book sets women on the path to healing from the wound of infertility, pregnancy loss, and everything in between, beginning with learning to “hold space for joy” in the midst of those wounds.
Mary Bruno is a passionate advocate for women’s health and wellness, especially proper treatment of infertility. She is co-founder and executive director of the non-profit База FAbM, a practical online resource for women and couples seeking greater knowledge of fertility awareness. Bruno is also a Creighton Method instructor, a marriage prep mentor (together with her husband), and an author and speaker. In her work, she draws from her own experience of a late endometriosis diagnosis, a condition for which she had a dozen surgeries, ultimately culminating in a hysterectomy.
Кто является целевой аудиторией Holding Space for Joy?
This prayer companion is written for women struggling with infertility, whether it’s primary (not being able to have any children) or secondary (not being able to have additional children after having one or more). Bruno notes in the introduction, however, that those who have not necessarily encountered бесплодие, but who have experienced выкидыш, will also benefit from using this resource.
Каковы основные области содержания Holding Space for Joy?
Holding Space for Joy is divided into nine chapters covering a wide range of topics from “Agony” and “Isolation” to “Intimacy between Spouses.” Broadly speaking, the chapters are divided into a deep dive into the spiritual and emotional wounds and realities of infertility (Chapters 1-4), and an extended reflection on the true meaning of womanhood, motherhood, and marriage (Chapters 5-9). Each chapter includes a reading, a prayer, a list of recommended podcasts and/or songs, and reflection questions with space for journaling.
Сильные стороны Holding Space for Joy
I commend Mary Bruno for her deep sensitivity and empathy towards women struggling with infertility or child loss, particularly because she shares very openly from her own story. I found two sections of Holding Space for Joy especially compelling.
Challenges and opportunities in relationships between mothers and women who experience infertility
The first was in the chapter called “Isolation.” Bruno articulates the complex emotions that women struggling with infertility feel when those around them are getting pregnant and having children. She emphasizes the importance of mutual respect for each other’s sufferings and willingness to listen. Using the example of her own relationship with a close friend of hers (who has children), Bruno writes:
A mutual respect allows me to still share, to some extent, in her pain and joys. The more you share with others, the more you identify the universality of suffering… We also have a genuine appreciation for life outside of motherhood, and the unique gifts and talents with which we each color the world… While we absolutely chat about family stuff, our conversations are incredibly broad and span an array of our interests, weekend plans, struggles, and passions. It is a relationship that supports and encourages the whole person. This is how we build up the people we love (Bruno, 32).
Here at Natural Womanhood, we love to celebrate the vast potential of womanhood, which includes but also supersedes biological motherhood. Bruno hits on a very important point here, that the way women empower each other is by recognizing and appreciating how we bring our uniquely feminine gifts to the table, and that this also is a form of “mothering.”
The way women empower each other is by recognizing and appreciating how we bring our uniquely feminine gifts to the table, and that this also is a form of “mothering.”
No matter the struggle, we are all called to embrace joy сейчас
The second section I found powerful was in Chapter 7, “Discover Yourself Fully Alive.” Here Bruno encourages women struggling with infertility to take a step back from the cyclical emotional rollercoaster of negative pregnancy tests, treatments, and doctor visits, and remember their “roots”–the gifts, desires, and passions that once characterized their childhood and adult life but may have become tossed aside in the pursuit of achieving pregnancy.
There is no “one-size-fits-all” life path, as Bruno writes:
It was almost as if I had been trained to follow a specific sequence of graduation, job, marriage, children, quit my job to raise children, then have more children – no matter what. This sequence can absolutely be a beautiful calling, but was it truly mine? What I perceived to be this prescribed path for my life caused me to stop exploring the ways in which God was calling me to be creative and fruitful… When infertility eventually crept in, I felt lost and like a failure (77).
Here is a truth worth embracing–you are more than your infertility, or your loss, or whatever other suffering you have to bear. And sometimes you have to dig a little deeper into who you once were and who you want to be to grasp your worth more fully. Bruno challenges the reader to look away from what other people are doing and turn inward, because the world needs what you have to offer right now.
Limitations or blind spots of Holding Space for Joy
As suggested by the title, this book is very Catholic in its approach. This could be a stumbling block for women who do not hold similar beliefs but are also searching for healing. Nonetheless, regardless of religion, I think any woman could benefit from time spent exploring her heart, thoughts, and emotions, with Bruno’s guidance.
Although Bruno does tackle this topic through the lens of her Catholic faith, she is not merely suggesting that readers buck up and accept their suffering passively. She suggests healthy ways to process and heal deep emotional, mental, and spiritual wounds. I found myself thinking often that anybody with any sort of experience of suffering would benefit from this prayer companion, not just those with the wound of infertility (although, to be sure, they are the ones who would most profoundly benefit).
Each chapter comes with a space for practical journaling in response to reflection questions, as well as music and podcasts for digging deeper. Maybe it’s because I am an internal processor, but I found the journaling sections to be particularly helpful. Bruno, in a sense, “forces” the reader to slow down and ensure she is properly digesting what she is taking in.
I think vs. I feel
For example, in the chapter titled “Thoughts versus Feelings,” Bruno clarifies how feelings can usually be described in one word (e.g., I feel hurt, I feel alone, I feel abandoned), whereas thoughts are beliefs and conclusions we hold about the world around us. Even though we may say, in Bruno’s example, “I feel like God has forgotten me,” we are actually making a belief statement. This is important, because, “We do not have control over our feelings, but we do control our reactions” to our thoughts. What’s more, “A thought can чувствовать себя true, but that doesn’t mean it is” (Bruno, 50). This is a distinction anyone in any sort of relationship can benefit from.
She helps those who don’t experience infertility “get” what it feels like
I also think Bruno’s advice for navigating relationships between those who are infertile and those who have no experience of infertility is needed for anybody. Considering that 1 in 5 married women aged 15-49 are unable to conceive after 12 months of trying (according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), there is a good chance that каждый woman will know of someone else who struggles with infertility, if not experience it in some form herself.
The verdict: to buy, borrow, or skip Holding Space for Joy совсем?
This book gets a “buy” recommendation from me. If you yourself experience infertility, you’ll find an understanding companion in Mary Bruno. If a friend or family member struggles with infertility, or if your church is forming an infertility ministry, Holding Space for Joy will help you walk in their shoes. Mary Bruno’s work deserves to be spread far and wide–we could all stand to learn to hold space for joy in our lives.
