{"id":23137,"date":"2025-08-19T08:00:03","date_gmt":"2025-08-19T13:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/naturalwomanhood.org\/?p=23137"},"modified":"2025-08-18T13:38:24","modified_gmt":"2025-08-18T18:38:24","slug":"planificacion-familiar-natural-pfn-para-recien-casados","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/naturalwomanhood.org\/es\/natural-family-planning-nfp-for-newlweds\/","title":{"rendered":"Una pareja de reci\u00e9n casados reflexiona sobre su primer a\u00f1o de uso de la planificaci\u00f3n familiar natural (PFN)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Editor\u2019s note: While fertility awareness methods (FAMs) are a useful health tool for <\/em>all women of reproductive age, some of the couples who use FAMs for family planning purposes (often referred to as methods of natural family planning, or NFP) do so out of both a desire to effectively plan their families, as well as from a place of religious conviction. Couples seeking to be married in the Catholic Church, for example, often learn a method of NFP during engagement, as part of their preparation for marriage.    <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Melanie and Adam are a young couple who recently celebrated their 1-year anniversary in July 2025. We invited them to share a bit about their journey with fertility awareness thus far. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Their journey started with Melanie learning to chart as a single young woman, and continued through their engagement as they prepared to practice natural family planning (NFP). One year into applying NFP in the context of marriage, they have learned some important lessons they want to share with other couples considering NFP.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(The following interview has been lightly edited for clarity.) <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Melanie first learned to chart as a young single woman<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

While most girls get their first period by the age of 12 or 13, for Melanie, the onset of menstruation<\/a> occurred much later, at age 16. Four years later, as a 20 year-old single woman, Melanie learned to chart her cycle through the FEMM method<\/a>, which stands for Fertility Education and Medical Management<\/a> (a sympto-hormonal fertility awareness method). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking back, Melanie reflected on the benefits of learning to chart her cycles relatively early. \u201cI had only been menstruating for 4 years when I was introduced to fertility awareness,\u201d Melanie said. \u201cI consider myself very lucky when it comes to the timing of learning about FEMM, fertility, and menstruation, because I was so early on in the lifetime of my cycles.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The knowledge she gained from cycle charting led to a vaginismus diagnosis<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

She continued, \u201cI was very happy that I charted when I was single and engaged, because if I wasn\u2019t doing that, I never would have found out that I had vaginismus<\/a>. I am so glad I learned that before I was married! I was able to find a pelvic floor therapist<\/a>. I was able to learn all the stretching and the different methods and get ahead of it. It is still a problem, but it is actively being fixed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was very happy that I charted when I was single and engaged, because if I wasn\u2019t doing that, I never would have found out that I had vaginismus. I am so glad I learned that before I was married! I was able to find a pelvic floor therapist. I was able to learn all the stretching and the different methods and get ahead of it. It is still a problem, but it is actively being fixed.\u201d<\/p>– Melanie<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Melanie continued, \u201cI\u2019ve seen it happen where people only learn to chart when they get engaged. Yes, charting can be used for family planning, but, even before you\u2019re married, there are a lot of health things that go on that charting is helpful for. I feel lucky that, unlike the majority of my friends who have maybe just started charting in the last year, I have years <\/em>of data when it comes to charting my cycle, which has been helpful for engagement and marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Melanie and Adam began talking about fertility awareness for family planning<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The couple’s differences in faith (Melanie is Catholic and was already familiar with NFP; Adam is Lutheran, and was unfamiliar with NFP), made Melanie want to broach the topic early. “We talked about using NFP when we were dating,” says Melanie, “because we had denominational differences. So I was like, \u2018Let me tell you about this thing.\u2019”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The couple’s differences in faith (Melanie is Catholic and was already familiar with NFP; Adam is Lutheran, and was unfamiliar with NFP), made Melanie want to broach the topic early.<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Adam chimed in, \u201cWhen I first heard about [NFP], I was like \u2018How effective is it?\u2019 We were always going to be open to pregnancy and open to having kids, but ideally we wanted to wait, and I guess right when NFP was introduced or brought up, I was like, \u2018Well, will that get in the way of us trying to strategically plan out when to have kids?\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He summed up, \u201cI was a little skeptical. I\u2019m not going to say I accepted it right away. I had to kind of wrap my head around it.\u201d Over time and with more education, though, \u201cIt went from \u2018Is this effective?\u2019 to \u2018Yeah, we are in control of our family life.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over time and with more education, though, \u201cIt went from \u2018Is this effective?\u2019 to \u2018Yeah, we are in control of our family life.\u2019\u201d<\/p>– Adam<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“During high school and college,” Adam says, \u201cI thought birth control was normal<\/a>. But then I feel like Melanie made NFP feel less foreign. And then it was almost like, \u2018Oh, this feels more like what you should be doing.\u2019 It was like a smooth landing after that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is why they wish NFP education had been mandatory during their engagement<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Melanie observed, \u201cI know that some [Catholic] dioceses require engaged couples to go through an NFP class together. Our diocese didn\u2019t require us to do anything. They handed us a pamphlet, and that was it.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Melanie continued, \u201cBecause learning fertility awareness and deciding on an NFP method can be very overwhelming, if you don\u2019t have someone guiding you, I\u2019m not sure how someone learns how to [chart]. You would have to go through some sort of course.\u201d (NB: Melanie is right. Learning a method<\/a> from a trained instructor<\/a> is crucial for successfully utilizing NFP for pregnancy avoidance, in particular.<\/a> And it can also help you get pregnant faster, when you\u2019ve discerned the time is right for that.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Melanie opined, \u201cLooking back, I do wish that the diocese required couples to go through an NFP course so they\u2019d know it. I don\u2019t regret that we didn\u2019t [have to take a course] solely because we were already informed. It wouldn\u2019t have been anything new for us.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting over their fears, and gaining confidence in NFP<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI will say,\u201d Melanie acknowledged, \u201cthere was probably a healthy amount of fear that we had prior to marriage. It was just that I\u2019d never charted with, for lack of a better term, a consequence.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adam concurred, \u201c[It felt like] high stakes.\u201d Without having gone through a formal NFP course<\/a> himself, and relying on the knowledge Melanie had gained through FEMM, Adam said, \u201cIt really helps that [Melanie] was so on top of things.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite his lack of training in the method himself, Melanie\u2019s experience and confidence in charting her cycles helped Adam get onboard with using that knowledge for family planning. He said, \u201cIt wasn\u2019t like Melanie [on a whim] said, \u2018Hey I\u2019m going to try this and see how it goes\u2019 it was like, \u2018This is what I\u2019ve been doing, this is how it is going to benefit both of us, this is why it helps me, and why I believe in it.\u2019 So that helped make it easier for me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One year into marriage, they\u2019re still learning how to share the responsibility for family planning <\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Over this past year, Melanie and Adam have learned a lot about taking responsibility for their shared fertility<\/a>. Adam explained, \u201cInitially, I kind of felt bad, like [this family planning method] is kind of on her. She\u2019s the one charting. If she makes a mistake, we could end up with an unplanned pregnancy. It kind of felt like it was all on her when it shouldn\u2019t be.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But they both learned from this feeling the importance of the man being involved. \u201cI would say to other couples,\u201d said Adam, that it\u2019s important \u201cto make the guy part of this space, and like staying involved.\u201d Melanie added, \u201cWe are still learning how to involve each other.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finding what works for them\u2013and how that helps set expectations<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Adam said, \u201cShe will tell me what stage she is at [in her cycle]. When we first started talking about NFP, she was like \u2018I\u2019ll show you my charts all the time\u2019 and we just don\u2019t need to really do that. Now she\u2019ll be like \u2018Oh, by the way I\u2019m at this stage now.\u2019 It helps that I know where she\u2019s at in her cycle in such simplistic terms. So I don\u2019t have to be like, \u2018Oh, can we have sex today?\u2019 I kind of know where she\u2019s at already when she tells me. It helps us not really put sex on a pedestal because we know where we\u2019re at.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practicing NFP requires ongoing open, honest communication<\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Melanie continued, \u201cIt doesn\u2019t feel like a ton of pressure because\u2014I don\u2019t want to say because we have a healthy marriage\u2014but I do think that it is important to discuss in engagement like \u2018What do you want me to inform you about with my cycle? How involved do you want to be in the knowledge of it?\u2019 Because I feel like I can just say, \u2018I started the ovulatory stage today\u2019 so then Adam can think, \u2018in 5 or so days\u2026\u2019 It just offers a timeline.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Melanie continued, \u201cIt also depends on being on the same page about your goal for how disciplined you want to be [with the NFP \u2018rules\u2019]. For us, on the structure side, Adam is finishing grad school. We are in the process of moving. So, we are being pretty careful [about avoiding pregnancy], and that does require more communication, because that equals less available days [for intimacy].\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt also depends on being on the same page about your goal for how disciplined you want to be [with the NFP \u2018rules\u2019]. For us, on the structure side, Adam is finishing grad school. We are in the process of moving. So, we are being pretty careful [about avoiding pregnancy], and that does require more communication, because that equals less available days [for intimacy].\u201d <\/p>– Melanie<\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Emotional vulnerability is key to practicing NFP within marriage<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Melanie advised, \u201cI think it\u2019s important to know that you can be emotionally vulnerable with your spouse about natural family planning. I know for myself, I had a lot of moments of fear because I was like, \u2018What if I mess this up? What if things don\u2019t go the way we want?\u2019 and I remember once, we were on a walk and I was just like, \u2018Oh, I\u2019m so nervous!\u2019 just going on and on and on, and I remember you [Adam] were like, \u2018If God wanted us to have a baby, and we were pregnant and we weren\u2019t trying then, I mean, that\u2019s just what was supposed to be.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Melanie acknowledged, \u201cAnd if you don\u2019t have that kind of foundation prior to marriage, I don\u2019t really think NFP can be well executed because that [trust is] the foundation. You have to be okay with God guiding your life, to surrender to Him. You can do everything you can, but at the end of the day, that\u2019s the point. It\u2019s giving this [combined fertility] to Him and being okay with that. So having that emotional vulnerability, I think, is very key prior to marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What they know now about practicing NFP that they wish they\u2019d known earlier<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Melanie answered, \u201cI just needed to trust myself. In my experience, it is actually very hard to mess this up\u2014it is actually a lot harder [to mess up] than I thought. You know when you are not available [when trying to avoid pregnancy]. It\u2019s pretty obvious. I wish I had known people closer in age to me who had done it [practiced NFP to postpone pregnancy in marriage] who could have told me, \u2018Yes. This works. It\u2019ll be fine.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Melanie answered, \u201cI just needed to trust myself. In my experience, it is actually very hard to mess this up\u2014it is actually a lot harder [to mess up] than I thought. You know when you are not available [when trying to avoid pregnancy]. It\u2019s pretty obvious. I wish I had known people closer in age to me who had done it [practiced NFP to postpone pregnancy in marriage] who could have told me, \u2018Yes. This works. It\u2019ll be fine.\u2019\u201d <\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Having years of charting her cycle prior to marriage helped reassure Melanie about the reliability and effectiveness of NFP. Prior to charting her cycles and practicing NFP, \u201cAll I knew were people who got married and got pregnant right away and I was like \u2018What!? What is happening!?\u2019 But now I\u2019m like, okay, either A) they wanted <\/em>that to happen or B) they just kind of threw caution to the wind, and that\u2019s also fine\u2026 But it freaks everyone else out.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(NB: Couples\u2019 experience with fertility tracking can vary in complexity, depending on the woman\u2019s cycle, and it is also true that sometimes more guidance is needed to ensure accuracy and effectiveness. This is why Natural Womanhood always recommends learning an evidence-based method of fertility awareness or natural family planning from a trained instructor. It\u2019s also important to remember that NFP is not birth control<\/em><\/a>; a couple’s family planning intentions are deeply personal, and the decision to avoid or achieve pregnancy, or to simply \u201cthrow caution to the winds,\u201d<\/a> can vary from cycle to cycle. And, in our estimation, this is overwhelmingly a feature<\/em> of NFP<\/a>, not a bug.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What they want newly engaged couples to know about practicing NFP<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Melanie urged, \u201cFor engaged couples, make sure you are nurturing other parts of your relationship<\/a> at the same time. This is especially important in the first year of marriage, because you really are learning a lot about each other in a lot of good ways. Don\u2019t put too much pressure on [the sexual] part of your relationship. It is sacred and special, but there\u2019s also many other things that deserve just as much time and attention.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She elaborated, \u201cPracticing NFP and being married, sex is such a small part of your marriage, overall. Not in a bad way, but I don\u2019t know, it\u2019s like really hyped up in Christian culture because you\u2019re waiting to do something and then [in marriage] you\u2019re like, this is great! But also, there\u2019s so many other things I love about being married.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Catholics and Christians aren\u2019t the only ones interested in (or who can benefit from) NFP<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

For his part, Adam shared, \u201cI would say, my advice to people who aren\u2019t even engaged or religious, is that [practicing NFP] is just a healthy lifestyle to have in general. I have one cool story, I guess. I was at a pool with a friend and he\u2019s not religious or anything but I remember somehow the topic of birth control got brought up. This was when Melanie and I were engaged, and my friend said something about birth control, and I think I kind of said, without even thinking, \u2018Oh, Melanie\u2019s not on birth control. We will do Natural Family Planning when we\u2019re married.\u2019 And my friend [was] like \u2018What!? That is so cool. Melanie just gained so much respect.\u2019 He said he\u2019d recently read an article about how bad birth control is for women<\/a>. I was blown away. I would never have guessed [he would have] that reaction.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"C\u00f3mo es realmente aprender y utilizar la PFN","protected":false},"author":140,"featured_media":23138,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","csco_singular_sidebar":"","csco_page_header_type":"","csco_page_load_nextpost":"","csco_post_video_location":[],"csco_post_video_url":"","csco_post_video_bg_start_time":0,"csco_post_video_bg_end_time":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5282,5310],"tags":[4104,12,58],"class_list":{"0":"post-23137","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-avoiding-pregnancy","8":"category-fam-and-relationships","9":"tag-fertility-awareness-methods","10":"tag-marriage","11":"tag-natural-family-planning","12":"cs-entry","13":"cs-video-wrap"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNewlyweds using NFP: What it's really like - 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She met her husband at the University of Dayton while studying early childhood education, went on to earn her master's degree in family life education, and has served in Christian ministry for over a decade as a full-time Catholic youth minister and (currently) a volunteer coordinator for Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Laura earned her FEMM certification after experiencing the challenges of postpartum charting with a method that was not serving her at the time, and is the recipient of many \\\"this may be TMI but I have a question\\\" messages. 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