When Sarah Ward was expecting her first child, she did everything in her power to have the healthiest possible pregnancy. \u201cI did yoga, ate healthy, [and] tracked my water intake,\u201d she told me via video chat from her home in Michigan. Even though she and her husband had recently moved, she joined a Facebook group of pregnant moms in her area and hired a local doula. Though Sarah \u201chad a home birth on my mind,\u201d her husband was uncomfortable with the idea, and out of respect for his wishes she sought prenatal care from a \u201chighly-recommended\u201d OB\/GYN. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Looking back, perhaps the first clue that this OB\/GYN wouldn\u2019t be a good fit was the fact that \u201che was too busy to see me until 32 weeks [gestation].\u201d Until then, Sarah\u2019s prenatal visits were with two midwives in his practice. The first time she met the doctor himself, Sarah asked about the possibility of laboring in the bathtub at the one local hospital that had tubs in their labor and delivery rooms. She\u2019d had several friends who\u2019d recently had water births at home, who\u2019d raved about the relief they\u2019d felt from laboring in water. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sarah was shocked and surprised when the doctor \u201cyelled at me, and told me I was going to kill my baby with my poop!\u201d (The doctor offered no context at all for this unusual accusation, but perhaps he was worried that her baby might aspirate water that she pooped in while pushing.*)\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Though taken aback, Sarah changed the subject, and began asking other questions. She was further bewildered and confused when, rather than answering, the doctor just walked out of the room, effectively ending the appointment.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(*Editor’s note: Many hospitals with tubs only allow women to labor in water, and require women to get out when it is time to push.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At her next prenatal appointment with the same OB\/GYN, Sarah brought her doula for moral support. Once again, the doctor was dismissive of her questions, and at one point he \u201cbooped me on the nose and said, \u2018oh, honey!\u2019 like I was a two-year-old kid!\u201d As before, after Sarah had asked several questions, the doctor simply walked out of the room.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The prenatal appointment after that was no better, as a different doctor \u201cbarged into the room\u201d and insisted that Sarah\u2019s baby\u2019s amniotic fluid levels were dangerously low, based on a recent ultrasound. This new doctor, \u201cyelling the whole time,\u201d insisted that \u201cthis baby has to come out now, or she\u2019s going to die!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Given the doctor\u2019s dire warning, Sarah and her husband couldn\u2019t believe their ears when they arrived at the hospital to start the induction and were told that\u2014based on another ultrasound and non-stress test\u2014there was no emergency. Sarah stayed in the hospital overnight, but was eventually sent home after more imaging confirmed that her baby was not in danger.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before she left, a kind neonatal specialist advised Sarah that her OB\/GYN, along with his partners, had a reputation for pushing women to have medical interventions, even inductions, that they didn\u2019t need. The specialist encouraged Sarah to find another provider, saying \u201cIf you stay with this practice, I promise you that you will end up with a C-section!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Despite Sarah\u2019s best efforts to find another OB\/GYN practice, she was 34 weeks along, far enough that other doctors refused to take over her care. Her doula offered to connect Sarah with a midwife who would assist at a home birth, and Sarah and her husband considered this option. But just days later, during a Thanksgiving visit with family, she was \u201ccornered\u201d by six concerned family members \u201cwho would not let me leave the circle until I promised that I would not have a home birth.\u201d She was even told that \u201chaving a home birth is the same thing as having an abortion.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After this stressful conversation, Sarah and her husband were grateful to find a midwifery practice that would see her for the rest of her prenatal appointments and assist her in the hospital. Her new midwife chose to continue the non-stress tests her previous OB\/GYN had ordered to ensure her amniotic fluid levels were adequate and the baby’s growth wasn\u2019t slowing.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when Sarah showed up at the hospital for her last non-stress test on December 21st, 2013, at 38 weeks gestation, the nurse who admitted her told her she was two hours late for her scheduled induction. Sarah and her husband were floored. Sarah communicated to her medical team that she had never agreed to be induced, and that she refused to be induced without a medical reason. They responded that if she went home and \u201csomething went wrong,\u201d her insurance would likely refuse to pay her medical bills because she had \u201cgone against medical advice.\u201d Between a rock and an unbelievably hard place, Sarah agreed to be induced. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sarah had an adverse reaction to Cervidil, a medication inserted \u201clike a tampon\u201d to ripen the cervix, but her medical team refused to remove it. After 11 hours of misery\u2013including vomiting, nausea, and pain\u2013they finally took the Cervidil out. With her doula\u2019s aid and the help of a rebozo scarf to get her baby to engage in Sarah\u2019s pelvis, Sarah refused the Pitocin the hospital staff suggested for her next. The midwife then performed a cervical exam, where she broke Sarah\u2019s water against her wishes, casually saying \u201coopsie!\u201d afterwards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hours later, the midwife returned when Sarah was ready to push. In an unbelievable turn of event, Sarah\u2019s labor occurred against the backdrop of the state\u2019s worst ice storm of forty years, and the hospital lost power as the baby was being born. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After Sarah\u2019s daughter was born, the midwife placed her daughter on her chest but then began aggressively massaging Sarah\u2019s abdomen. Sarah began hemorrhaging and passed out, waking up an unknown amount of time later \u201cto complete chaos.\u201d After all was said and done, Sarah suffered three tears and sobbed in her husband\u2019s arms \u201cIf this is how birth is going to be, I don\u2019t ever want to have a baby again.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Unsurprisingly, Sarah’s traumatic labor and birth led to postpartum anxiety and depression. Tragically, when she tried to talk about her traumatic birth experiences, Sarah was met with \u201cWhat does it matter? Your baby\u2019s healthy. You\u2019re healthy.\u201d She summed up the next few years as a \u201cdark\u201d time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But that isn\u2019t the end of Sarah\u2019s story. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Several years later, Sarah told her husband one day, \u201cYou\u2019re going to think I\u2019m crazy, but I think I\u2019m ready to try again.\u201d They conceived not long after, and thus began a completely different pregnancy, labor, and birth story. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This time, Sarah was seen by a new, respectful, and supportive midwife, who assured her that \u201cnone of that should have happened\u201d during her first pregnancy. This validated Sarah\u2019s experience, and helped her begin to heal from her traumatic first birth. Even though this new midwife moved when Sarah was only 17 weeks along, the midwife she saw next was equally empathetic, supportive, and outraged at the care Sarah had received during her first pregnancy.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She promised Sarah, \u201cI\u2019m going to do everything in my power to get you the birth that you hoped for.\u201d The new midwife \u201cwas always very hands-off,\u201d and \u201cshe always asked permission\u201d before touching Sarah. Sarah recalled, \u201cI don\u2019t think she ever checked me until we were at the hospital\u201d for labor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe let me labor at home, she was on the phone with me and she was like \u2018You can stay there as long as you\u2019re comfortable. You\u2019re very in tune with your body, you\u2019re only 15 or 20 minutes from the hospital.\u2019 She just let me do my thing at home and she was like \u2018I\u2019m comfortable with you even staying [at home] until your contractions are 3 to 5 minutes apart.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the time came for Sarah to go to the hospital, \u201ceverything was very calm and peaceful.\u201d While walking the halls, Sarah said \u201cIt feels like there\u2019s a softball between my legs right now!\u201d Sarah returned to her room and the midwife told her \u201cWell, you\u2019re doing great. Your son is coming out in his [amniotic] sac. So you can keep doing what you want to do and we\u2019ll just take our time. Or, if you would like me to break your water, I am more than happy to do that because he is already coming out. He will be here in less than 20 minutes.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sarah told the midwife to go ahead and break her water. \u201cShe breaks my water, and she was on a roll-y chair and she just slid back and gave me space. I immediately remember flipping over on my hands and knees. I had also done yoga very regularly when I was pregnant with him and the most comfortable position was child\u2019s pose. I could have sat in that position forever. And I immediately went to that position.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sarah gave birth minutes later on her hands and knees. \u201cIt was easy and there was, you know, pain, but I don\u2019t remember there being pain. She handed him to me between my legs and he was laying on the bed in front of me and it was wonderful. I was so alert and he was alert.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI found out hours later that the cord was actually wrapped around his neck. But she was so calm when he was born, she just unwrapped it. I had no idea. And so that was so healing to experience that, it was so empowering. I just felt so good. That was just beautiful.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sarah had a third child several years later, and her experience mimicked her second labor and birth. She called her labor and birth \u201ccalm and how it should be, how I needed it to be. After the birth, the midwife and the students who came in said it was the easiest birth.\u201d When she held that baby in her arms, \u201cI had this overwhelming feeling that everyone was here. My family was complete.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sarah now works for the Guiding Star Project<\/a>, \u201ca national movement to create a wholistic, empowering healthcare alternative to mainstream women’s health care.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Reflecting back on everything she experienced and how far she’s coming in healing from birth trauma, Sarah said of her first pregnancy and labor, \u201cI started working with Guiding Star in 2017. I don\u2019t know if I would have been so convicted and passionate about the work with them if I hadn\u2019t experienced the birth trauma that I did. So it was like a blessing in disguise even though it was<\/em> awful. But it\u2019s led me down this path. I really try to advocate for women, help them know that \u2018you do have choices\u2019 and \u2018trust your body because your body knows what it needs and you know what you need if you just listen.'”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sarah’s story is an important reminder that finding a provider\u2014whether an OB\/GYN, midwife, or otherwise\u2014who respects you and will work with you (and your body!), is one of the single most important things you can do during your pregnancy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Additional Reading:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Traumatic birth experiences are more common than you might think<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n